Author of quotes: Ilya Ilf

- But this is shopkeeping, isn’t it? - he shouted. - Start a one and a half hundred thousand dollar business and quarrel over eight rubles! Learn to live generously!

Not a person, but some kind of hunchbacked horse!

We've had enough of government activities. It's time to get down to business.

“Where there is no love,” Ostap commented with a sigh, “it is not customary to talk about money there.”

- Konrad Karlovich Mikhelson, forty-eight years old, non-partisan, single, member of the union since 1921, a highly moral person, my good friend, seems to be a friend of the children... But you don’t have to be friends with the children: the police won’t demand this from you.

“I’m an envious person,” Bender admitted, “but there’s nothing to envy here.”

The quote became winged, and also acquired a playfully ironic meaning as a model and stamp of one of the bureaucratic turns of the overgrown administrative apparatus in the socialist realist era.

It's no longer a secret that you don't love me. I will never achieve what Kolya Osten-Baken achieved from Inga Zayonts, my childhood friend. Therefore, I will not sigh in vain, I will not grab you by the waist. Consider the serenade over. Balalaikas, psaltery and gilded harps subsided. I came to you as a legal entity to a legal entity. Here is a folder of three or four kilos. It is for sale and costs a million rubles, the same million that you, out of greed, do not want to give me. Buy.

I attribute much of my stupidity to this book.

- Very good, - Ostap noted. - Now let Panikovsky divide, he seems to have a dissenting opinion.
...
"You and I are four thousand," he told Bender, "and Balaganov two. He didn't work for two.
- And Kozlevich? Balaganov asked, closing his eyes in anger.
- Why Kozlevich? Panikovsky squealed. - It's robbery! Who is Kozlevich to share with him! I don't know any Kozlevich!

They say: "Back to Ostrovsky" and the audience yells: "Money back."

It is important to find formula to make it easier to live, to feel better. Your room is bigger than mine, but it seems less.

The last consolation he wanted to find in dreams, but even dreams have become modern and topical.

Humanity is becoming prettier every day. Ugly already not at all.