TV series: 2.5 / Two and a half men (Two and a Half Men)
You're lucky you're not a girl! A vagina is like a vintage car - constant maintenance, and once a month you also drain the oil.
First he forgot about me, and now left you.
- Your dad works hard, so you in no way needed. If he is not with you, so he tries... ... to avoid prison.
- I think he needs to have sex!
- I was joking about going to jail, Jake.
- Your dad works hard, so you in no way needed. If he is not with you, so he tries... ... to avoid prison.
- I think he needs to have sex!
- I was joking about going to jail, Jake.
- I did the small knot on the toe. Will you show her?
- Yes, right over dinner!
Come on, she's a dermatologist, and I have a strange growth on my finger.
- A strange growth on your finger is you!
- Yes, right over dinner!
Come on, she's a dermatologist, and I have a strange growth on my finger.
- A strange growth on your finger is you!
8 Season 6 Series
Even if a woman stands before you on his knees and making a Blowjob, she still firmly holding you by the balls.
Quote Explanation: Alan about his sudden love
6 Season 8 Series
- You're still married?
Divorced.
And heavily lit?
- Left panties...
Divorced.
And heavily lit?
- Left panties...
2 Season 9 Series
- Such things are out of fashion.
- They are out of fashion, when you're out of the competition.
- They are out of fashion, when you're out of the competition.
Quote Explanation: Charlie teaches Alan to wear clothes.
- How to stop being afraid?
- I drink.
- I drink.
5 Season 1 Series
- What happened to the poster of Harry Potter?
- I'm not a child, dad.
You don't have to be a child to love Harry Potter...
- I'm not a child, dad.
You don't have to be a child to love Harry Potter...
- Alan, you're always stepping on the same rake being the good boy, fixing everything to be loved. Mom is not appreciated, your two Chicks, too. And the wife will not catch.
You always ignored the concept of duty and responsibility in relationships between people.
- Do not argue, but I immediately feel when a chick uses me in a bad way.
You always ignored the concept of duty and responsibility in relationships between people.
- Do not argue, but I immediately feel when a chick uses me in a bad way.
1 Season 2 Series
Alan! In every man's life there comes a moment when he must choose love or sex. Fourteen years ago you made the wrong choice - you foolishly married, and got neither one nor the other. And now fate gives you another chance. So don't let him. Hold! Grab the elastic ass!
3 Season 16 Series
She's an evil genius, Alan. She lived in Gotham, Batman wouldn't last a day.
Quote Explanation: Charlie says his brother Alan about true, in his opinion, the appearance of their mother
Enough! Stop! Don't call me "smart guy." The name of the idiot who is on holiday instead of sultry chick gets to dance with her ugly-cousin.
1 Season 16 Series
- You gave my wife a waffle iron?
- I was young... She loved waffles...
- I was young... She loved waffles...
Quote Explanation: Charlie is surprised by the gifts that Alan gave Judith.
Your mistake was to talk to them as a group. Women should be separated from the herd one by one! Otherwise they will throw you and trample with his hooves. Act like a bull!
1 Season 23 Series
- What about creativity? You know, I write music. I will be able to do it?
- You write her eggs?
- You write her eggs?
1 Season 24 Series
