Jojo Moyes. The last letter from your lover (№ 360505)

And I'm in the same instant when you looked into my eyes, I realized that if you do what you want, I'm gone. I can't leave you, won't be able to do this with you, as with others, will not be able to politely nod lourenço, meeting you with him at some restaurant. I'll never be able to accept the fact that you don't belong to me, and here I can no longer fool myself. That's why, darling, I clasped the button on your dress. That's why I spent two sleepless nights, hating myself for one decent thing in my entire life.