Book: Explorer here

Kneeling down, I closed my eyes. Well, The Guide. How do you want. I've been coming to see you. For too long learned to believe in you. I hate your city. There is no one you can love. If you disappear... I'll just die, I guess. In the concrete comfort of the apartment. Surrounded by favorite things - they are not people, they are unable to love in return. Understand me, the Conductor, even if I don't understand myself. Tell me what I need. Find your way Here... You can, I know. I believe. More than God, more than to the President. More than friends who are too far away. You're my pain and joy, you are my hope and disbelief. I walked over to you through scorn and ridicule, gentle scum and evil losers. I had not drunk alcohol and was not sober coffee. I laughed and cried, had good and bad. I read books about the afterlife and colorful Sborniki fiction.
I walked over to you, the handler. Come and you to me.