Author of quotes: Stephen Clark

It dawned on me that I had just learned an important lesson that will be useful for future life in Paris: do not try to please everyone - it's so English. On the contrary, you must show that you deeply care about someone else's opinion. And only in this case you get what you want. Trying to locate people to himself, it turns out I did everything wrong. If in France you too often smile, you will be deemed mentally retarded.

Known for centuries, the French tradition: the best way to pacify the enemy is to go to meet him.

Here is a list of what is usually served in the afternoon in a sort of Parisian place. Read and try to guess who eats it all.
Monday. Beet salad with croutons, couscous of lamb, sweetened yoghurt, fruit in season.
Tuesday. Carrot salad with lemon juice, pork roast with mustard sauce, peas, Gruyere cheese, cottage cheese with fruit in syrup.
Environment. Lettuce and avocado, grilled steak with lentils, cheese St Nectaire, fruit cocktail.
Thursday. Potato salad with tarragon, curry Turkey with green peas, Iberian cheese, fruit in season.
Friday. Salad of carrots, cabbage and sweet corn, cod Dutch sauce, rice with vegetables, Camembert, chocolate cream.
Well, who eats all this? Regulars of the restaurant with a menu fixe? Workers of one of the Parisian museums? Staff Air France? But, no! This menu in school cafeterias.

"Wow, I thought, if suddenly breaks out an epidemic of facial herpes, they will have to pull a condom on your head."

I think if you change jobs you are mostly motivated by interest in underwear local ladies, a disaster is inevitable.

Cruel, of course - needless to say, my French was no better than their English, but sometimes I couldn't help but to chuckle...
- Sir, if you don't pay, we will contact our avocado.
- With your avocado?
- Yes, our avocado.
- With your vegetables?
- Huh? OK, we will get in touch with our vegetable.
- No, you wanted to say lawyer.
- Excuse me?
- See. I will write you word. A-d-b-o-K-a-T.
- Yes, avocados.
- OK, go ahead and contact your avocado.