Françoise Sagan. A vague smile (№ 258754)

I thought, "Luke doesn't love me", and his heart started to sting dully. I've said it to myself and again felt pain, sometimes quite sharp. Then it seemed to me that any success I've achieved: if I can manage this dull pain, betrayed, armed to the teeth, ready to appear on the first call, therefore, I dispose of it. I said, "Luke doesn't love me", and everything ached inside of me. But despite the fact that I could almost always cause this pain at will, I couldn't stop her from spontaneously arise during lectures or during Breakfast, to take me by surprise and forced to suffer. And couldn't prevent this daily and a justified feeling of longing and umeboshi own existence among constant rain, morning fatigue, insipid lectures, conversations. I suffered. I told myself that suffer with irony, curiosity, do not know how else, just to avoid the pathetic obviousness of unrequited love.