Jonathan Littell. The kindly ones (№ 308232)

In the end I started to guess vaguely, that no matter how much I happened to see death, no matter how many people are on the verge of it, pass before my eyes, I will never be able to catch the death, its exact moment. One of two things: either the person is already dead, and realize there is nothing more, or not, and in this case, even if the muzzle of the gun to the back of the head or around the neck, tighten the noose, the possibility that I'm the only one in the world, the living entity, can suddenly disappear, is pure, unfathomable abstraction, absurd.