Vincent Van Gogh. Letters to his brother Theo (№ 364683)

Your letter was the phrase that struck me: "I would like to get away from it all, I am the cause of everything and others only bring trouble, I one brought this problem on themselves and others." These words so struck me because the exact same feeling, exactly the same, no more and no less, in my heart I feel. When I think about the past, when I think about the future - about the almost insurmountable difficulties of a large and heavy work, to which I do not belong to the soul and from which I, or rather, my bad "I" would gladly have turned aside; when I think about the many people whose eyes are watching me, I foresee that, if I don't succeed, they'll understand what it is and he is not going to shower me with petty accusations, but being blasé and experienced in all that is good fair and square, all will say: "We helped you and was for you a beacon; we did for you all I could. If the best of their ability you've worked? Where are the fruits of our labor and the reward for him?" You see, when I think about all this and about many things, too many that I could list them, - about the difficulties and concerns that does not diminish with age, the suffering, the disappointments, the fear of failure and even shame, then I'm no stranger to this desire to get away from it all!