Tom D'Ansenbur. Stop being good! How to stop adjusting to others and become happy (№ 411147)

Systems theory teaches us that any system tends to sustain itself. This is the law of homeostasis. In every system – in the family, the married couple and many other relationships – differences and disagreements inspire fear, as there is a risk that they will compromise the system or destabilize it. Embraced by fear, we often tend to try to urgently restore unanimity, either through control or through submission. Often, in order to regain family, marital or other mutual influence, that is, the stability of our system, we impose our decisions, forcing everyone to agree, or immediately, without discussing, subdue, which leads to flight or aggression. There is no rapprochement.
But conflict can contribute to development. It provides an opportunity to strengthen our sense of security, autonomy and ability to listen and empathize. It encourages us to contact with ourselves and with others, that is, to develop both inner firmness and flexibility. It is an occasion for joint growth and awakens creative forces.