Brandi Engler. Men on my couch (№ 421351)

Here's a line I couldn't get used to: "My wife is fat and no longer attracts me." Men at the same time righteously resent, and some use their displeasure as an excuse for cheating or avoiding sex, silently boiling with indignation. One of my patients broke up with his wife because of this, and then put her on a condition - to lose weight before he agrees to return home.
Then I would meet these wives and find that it was usually no more than 10 pounds. I understand that men love mostly with their eyes, but is a small amount of extra flesh on a woman's body really such an afront?!
Digging deeper, I tended to take comfort in finding out that many of these men were so resentful of their wives and girlfriends who "allowed themselves to let themselves go" because they feared that these women had lost sexual interest in them. So the anger of men was not caused by the fact that their partners looked worse.
Weight gain was a metaphor for outright rejection, a materialized message that a man is unwanted, that he is not worth it not to lose shape for him, and even that his partner may no longer love him.
This may contradict the beliefs of our culture, but in my experience, male desire is not entirely tied to specific dimensions of the female body. When I ask men to describe the qualities of women to whom they are most attracted, or their most attractive mistresses, they are, of course, talking about beauty. And when I make them talk more about what they think is beautiful, they initially reduce everything to certain physical attributes, but eventually it turns out that most of all they are fascinated by a woman who perceives herself as a sexual being, enjoys her sexuality and is ready to express it.