Character: Lloyd Christmas

- I'll tell you where, there somewhere warm where the beer flows like wine, where beautiful women instinctively flock like flies to honey, and I'm talking about a place called aspen.

- What's with the suitcase?
- In memory of departed love, the most beautiful woman. I drove her to the airport, between the two of us have chemistry. Dude, she's with me even talk.
- Come on.
- Yes! The force of attraction that brought us together. Anyway, she left him at the terminal and flew to aspen outta my life.
- What's in it?
- Dude, is well-mannered person will climb into someone else's Luggage?
- Is he locked up?
- Yeah, well.

Mary, this may seem surprising, but I'm thinking this through. You're the woman I've been looking for all my life, and I'm not ashamed to admit it. Please, let me finish. I'm crazy about you. Like I used to anybody not experienced. Look, I again feel like a schoolboy. A student who wants to make love to you.

- I've had enough of this dump, we have nothing to eat, no jobs, our Pets heads are falling off. What the hell are we doing here, Harry? We need to get out of town.

- Well excuse me Mr. perfect, I forgot that you never do not make mistakes.

- I was robbed my dear old woman in a wheelchair with a motor, I could not imagine.

I'm ready for marriage, Harry, I could see Mary Swanson, as in I charged it the old-fashioned romantic feeling, and I'd do anything, just paw her.

And you know what, I'm tired, Harry? Tired of constantly interrupted in this life, I'm dead tired to be anything, but most of all I'm tired of what I have.

I thought the Rocky mountains should be a little rockier than this.