TV series: Father Ted (Father Ted)

Father Jack, what are You looking at?
- What?
- Film look?
- What?
- That Flatliners you're watching?
- What?
- Jack's father has a hearing problem?
- What?
To be honest, when he wants, can hear well, see... my Father Jack, a glass of brandy you do not want?
- Yeah.

- Tea, father?
- Oh, no, no, thank you.
- Well, maybe drink a little bit?
- No thanks, Mrs Doyle, that you do not want.
Well, let's. Let's go! Let, let, let, let, let's... LET's go!

- You old fat cow!
- And you had a face like a pair of Tits!
- At least someone of us has it!

- Dougal, you know God in a dream, you can pray.
- Truth, Ted?
Yeah, so you're thanking him for a tiring day.
- My God, there's so many ways to praise God, Yes, Ted? Remember, you told me that you can praise him just by leaving the room?
- A good way, Yes!

There's 200 million priests, and only 5 percent of them are pedophiles. To $ 10 million.

Ted, you wouldn't believe! Clint Eastwood has been arrested for a crime he didn't... No, wait. This is about the film.

- Time for bed!
- Still only half past six.
- Yes, but in the morning I have to Wake up at eleven.

- Must be great to be famous. You know what's good to be famous? People listen to what you tell them. And I have something to say.
- What about your sermon? People listen to you.
- No, Dougal. I'm talking about people who I respect.

If God wanted us to fly, he would have built an airport closer to the city.

- I fell in love with Eurovision, Ted.
- Yes?
- God, I love the Eurovision song contest. I can't wait. What time is it?
- Half a second.
- Half past one? And the contest starts..?
In may.

- Never met anyone like him. Don't know what to compare him to. With Hitler or something crazy...
- Yes, he is worse than Hitler! Hitler would not cut the jungle in three hours of the night!

- I'm not a fascist, I'm a priest! Fascists dress in black and teach people what they should do, whereas priests... But no matter...