Dean Delis, Cassandra Phillips. The paradox of passion (№ 390414)

Defusing the situation
This incredibly effective method is easily acquired, but difficult to use. When you burn with rage, that you do as a therapist and writer from Northern California Dan Wylie calls "a preliminary analysis of the threat of gusts."
Let's examine the first phrase, said Beth during a fight with miles. She started with the accusations that he called, stopping, and that he cares more about the restaurant than about her daughter. Referring to the damaged reputation of her husband, Beth hinted that he might have another affair. Miles received these direct and indirect charges to face, barely crossed the threshold. Naturally, he counterattacked. If Beth had previously considered the wording of his outburst, he expressed it like this:
Miles, you know I am dissatisfied with you because you came home so late without telling me. I don't want to come back to this, so let's talk now.
Feel the difference: Beth was not charged, she said she wants to accuse. Revising the wording, Beth went from problems but I tried to get a constructive conversation without provocation.
Miles, too, could answer otherwise.
You know, I was afraid you'd be angry with me for being late, and tuned in to the scandal. But you're right. Let's just talk.
A preliminary analysis of the threat of ruptures, discharging the situation, suppress the quarrel in the Bud. It creates a buffer between the impulse to scandal and real conflict. And it opens the door to a healing conversation.