Book: How an obsession with safety gets in the way of our lives

Roosevelt understood that fear played an important role in both despair and recovery potential. He knew that fear was crippling and destructive at times, even if the sense of impending danger was ultimately irrational. Roosevelt described it very eloquently when he said: "...Let me express the firm conviction that the only thing we have to fear is fear itself, nameless, reckless, causeless horror, paralyzing the efforts necessary to turn a retreat into an offensive."

Fear not only robs us of the ability to play, but also places us in a kind of confinement that limits the freedom of our mind. To continue this metaphor: fear is a formidable jailer, and - as in a situation of literal enslavement - its power destroys our vitality and well-being.

Our animal cousins give us a hint, more specifically how they use tough brawling games. Brawling consists of the wallowing, wrestling, biting and pinching that we see in animals, from mice and puppies to humans. The first interpretations of such a game emphasized its value as a teaching tool. This is a game battle model, a kind of preparation for real battles. Today's interpretations of game fights put the concept of relationship learning at the forefront. These theories highlight the idea that through brawling, animals learn to flexibly adapt to unpredictable social conditions, to accept a change in social roles. In role reversal, stress and fear are brought under control in safe situations. In addition, social roles are strung on an axis of social dominance. In brawling play, cubs learn to assume both a subordinate and a dominant position. It is this last element that I consider the most essential for understanding the connection between risky play and fear. There seems to be something very important about our relationship to submission - perhaps so important that this behavior (the play of dominance and submission) is built into the DNA of mammals, including us. As we shall see, the fear of alien domination is so terrible for an individual of our species that we are ready to do anything to avoid it.

Fear affects play as a limiter, and yet dangerous play, play on the edge of fear, brings its evolutionary derivative - joy.