TV show: Jim Gaffigan: Mr. Universe (Jim Gaffigan: Mr. Universe)

We horrible to McDonalds! To him, we behave like a teenager, filled with hormones that swears with his parents. "I hate you, you dumb!.. When's dinner?"
A trip to McDonald's - it's like going to a big family dinner. You're always excited before going. You say: "let's go, it'll be awesome!" You go and say something like, "Uh, I don't know whether it was necessary for me to come..." And when you go, I think: "I'll probably kill myself."

I have friends who brag that they don't go to McDonald's. <...> I'm tired of people who act like they are better than McDonald's. Maybe you never went to McDonalds, but you have your own McDonald's. McDonalds for your soul. Maybe instead of buying a big Mac you read Us Weekly*? It's like McDonald's! Just served a little differently. Maybe your McDonald's is telling you that frappuccino from Starbucks is not a milkshake. Or do you watch "glee"? It's all McDonald's. Immediate pleasure followed by horrible guilt, and which sooner or later will cause cancer. Its slogan is "that's what I love!"

We know that McDonald's is untrue. I'd like to see the commercial where it showed people five minutes later. After they had eaten.

There is a negative opinion of McDonald's. And we all are subject to, nobody goes in there is innocent. We go into the red-and-yellow building with a huge letter "M" over him, almost pretending and asking: "Is that a library? Take the potatoes a bit since I went."
Because the French fries at McDonald's is something amazing, right? Approximately how many people? The first seven minutes? And then she turns into something that probably not even decomposing? Have you ever made the mistake of re-heating the fries from McDonald's in the microwave? It becomes like foam! But that's not stopping you from eating it. In fact, these fries impossible to cool. And milkshakes is not getting warm. Have you ever left a milkshake from McDonald's for an hour? Revealed the whole truth. And you realize: "It's not even made from milk! It's just some kind of chocolate mucus."

We read articles, watched documentaries about McDonald's. The essence of it is the same: "McDonald's is very bad for you. There's an insane amount of fat and calories, and where the meat we do not know!" And we answer: "That's disgusting!.. I'll have a big Mac, large fries, and seven liters of diet coke".

McDonald's is so much for us to do! We would not know when the end of the Breakfast time, if not for McDonald's. I would eat eggs at five in the afternoon, like an idiot. Thank you, McDonald's! How else would we know about the approach of St. Patrick's Day, if not clover cocktail? Thank you, McDonald's!

I love how society rebels against McDonald's, saying, "At McDonald's has no nutritional value! Not vitamins!" And they were like: "Excuse me, but we sell burgers and fries! We never said that there is a market for agricultural products! Hell Yes, we have a representative - a clown is a pedophile from the 70's! What you need from us, America?"

I talk a lot about McDonald's, because I go there. And I love the silence that comes after this phrase... If I were in favor of illegal dog fights or something. "How could you?! McDonald's?" Very funny to tell people that you go to McDonald's. So they immediately look at you, they say: "Oh, I didn't know better than you!".
No one admits that he goes to McDonald's. And they sell six billion hamburgers a day! It's a country of only 300 million! I'm not a math teacher, but, in my opinion, all lies!

I envy the bodybuilders. Even if I did a lot, I would still not have achieved the title of "Mr. universe". This is the highest praise that can be earned in bodybuilding. Seriously, Mr. Universe? Maybe we should discuss it with the other planets? We have the audacity to decide who is "Mr. universe", and select a guy who probably can't even name the planets in our solar system.

During a trip to Disneyland I did a lot of photos. And we can make it... As a society as a whole. Instead of enjoying the moment we start to photograph. We take pictures daily, and pretend that captured the story! "Well, now that the cat is sleeping! Will post in Twitter!" And we now have cameras even in phones! We need it so much? You'd think ten years ago we thought: "I Wish I could make poor-quality photo of your dessert... And send it to someone who doesn't care".

Last summer we made our first family vacation together. I should clarify, we went to Disneyland. So, if you haven't been to Disneyland as an adult, imagine that standing in line at the DMV. And that's all.

In some gyms the trainers are facing the Windows. And it's wrong. So, for example, in new York or D.C., you can run on the track, looking into the eyes of the homeless.

I do not understand why we need mirrors in the gym? I don't want to look like I do. I know what I look like, so I go to the gym... But there are people who like it. They reason: "If I do, then I want something to look at. For example, yourself!" "I want to watch myself as I work on myself". "I need to record an album so I can listen to myself while I look at myself, when I'm working". "Reading a magazine about yourself. Reading about how I can improve myself." "Maybe I'll go to your page on Facebook to see pictures with you." "Read it to himself, will teach themselves!".

... Of course, heaviest in the gym annoying people that are in too good of shape. I always think, "what are You doing here? Are you ready! Are you making fun of to come?" But, fortunately, in the hall there are always a couple of people looking at which you think: "don't Even try, you're wasting your time!" And then you realize that it's your reflection in the mirror, and it is sad.