Arkady and Boris Strugatsky. The doomed city (№ 400106)

Something to me became in recent years, he thought. Something I lost... the Goal I lost, that's what. Some five years ago, I knew exactly why certain of my actions. And now - I don't know. Know Naupaka should be put to the wall. And why is it - is unclear. That is, of course, that would be much easier to work with, but why do it - to make it easier for me to work with? It's the only one I need. For yourself. How many years I live for myself... This is probably correct: for me, nothing to me, I will not live, to have to take care of. But it's boring, sad, exhausted... And there is no choice, he thought. That's what I understood. Nothing man can not and can not. One thing he can and knows how to live for yourself. He even teeth gritted from the hopeless clarity and certainty of this idea.