Book: Wall

There was no severe pain: although the baby was noisier than us, one was not so depressed - something like a patient, defending himself from an ailment with an attack of fever. When there is not even a fever, it is much more serious.

- Took me two hours, ' said Garcia.
- For what?
Garcia was not engaged in politics.
I have no idea, ' replied Garcia, they are grabbing everyone who doesn't think like them.

For a moment, for one brief moment it seemed to me that I pay too, and also self-pity. But the opposite happened: I glanced at the boy, saw his thin shaking shoulders and felt dehumanized - I was not able to pity himself or another. I said to myself: you have to die with dignity.

As soon as I tried to think about something a third-party, I saw aimed at me gun barrels. At least twenty times I mentally went through my shooting, and one
once I even fancied that this is happening: apparently, I'm a little NAP.

The truth is, I didn't feel to much sympathy was not going to change their attitude just because we had to die together, wasn't enough for me.

Of course, I couldn't imagine my death, but I saw her everywhere, especially in things in their quest to move away from me and stay away - they did it inconspicuously, Tishkov, like people talking in a whisper at the bedside of the dying. And I realized that Tom just found on the bench of his death. If the minute I even announced that it won't kill me and I can quietly go home, it would violate my indifference: you lost the hope of immortality, who cares, how long do you have to wait a few hours or a few years. Now I'm not attracted to, nothing will disturb my peace of mind. But it was a horrible calm, and the cause was my body: my eyes have seen, ears heard, but it wasn't me - my body lonely was shaking and sweating, I didn't recognize him. It was not mine, but someone else, and I had to feel, to know what it was.

If the minute I even announced that it won't kill me and I can quietly go home, it would violate my indifference: you lost the hope of immortality, who cares, how long do you have to wait a few hours or a few years.

True freedom begins on the other side of despair.

Yesterday I put a hand under the ax for a five-minute date with her. But now I'm not wanted to see her, I would have nothing to say to her. I would not even hug her, my body filled me with disgust, because it was ashy-gray and clammy, and I'm not sure that the same disgust I was not inspired to her body.

My pride was wounded: twenty-four hours I spent with Tom, I listened to him, I talked to him and all this time I was sure that we were completely different people. And now we have become like each other as twins, and only because we had to die together.