Author of quotes: Joseph Heller. Page 2

The middle of the second month the whole congregation whined, complaining about the famine, accusing it of Moses, Aaron, and regretting the good old days of slavery in the land of Egypt, where they sat in boilers with meat and ate bread to the full. Moses was justified. God sent manna. And they still like boilers, meat and bread. God gave them quail. And poisoned them, in order not to eat them.
And besides, He was talking about. He talked and talked and talked, and everything to Moses, and reprimand, began to speak again, and again to Moses. Hex was so much that it is not clear where Moses took the time to even go somewhere...

- Solomon, the beloved son of my talking voice, reduced to the level of sacred seriousness, I'm going now to tell you a priceless secret of every reign, which will allow you to rule with dignity, with the respect of all your subjects, even those who are filled with hatred towards you. You ever want to be king, right? King you want to be?
The king want to be.
- Why do you want to be king?
- Because I love monkeys and peacocks.
- Apes and peacocks? Slam, Slam, you said monkeys and peacocks?
- I love monkeys and peacocks.
- You love monkeys and peacocks?
I also love sapphires and thrones of ivory, overlaid with pure gold, and two lions stood beside the stays and twelve lions stood on the six steps on both sides, and on the cedar inside the temple was carved likeness of cucumber and blooming flowers.
- Cucumbers and blooming flowers?
Yeah, cucumbers and blooming flowers.
So you want to be king?
- My mother wants me to become king.

The progress of civilization is very lucky in the sense that the poor always have. Otherwise who would do the dirty work?

The father of Major Major, like a true Calvinist believed in predestination over and clearly aware that all misery than his own, happen to people the will of God.

- How not to die? - surprised the doctor. We are all slowly moving towards death. Other way we have.

Mudd was the unknown soldier who is not lucky, because the only thing known of the unknown soldiers, is that they were unlucky.

In the history of mankind it is difficult to find the events, testifying in favor of the assumption, as if human life has some value.

Racial prejudice is a terrible thing, Yossarian. Terrible of the war. Just think how scary it is when a peaceful and decent Indians do not distinguish yellow from the chinks, pale-ass icy wop or nigger a spade! - The leader of the White Oat with grim conviction shook his head.

About literature he knew everything, except how to enjoy it.

And do not tell me that the Lord works in mysterious ways, ' pursued Yossarian calmer. Nothing inscrutable here. God does not do anything. He is having fun. And most likely, he simply forgot about us. Your God, which you are all firmly from morning till night, is a dark redneck, klutz, clumsy, clumsy, goofy, Moody, clumsy simpleton! How the hell did reverence to the one who considered it necessary to include harkotinu and rotting teeth in their "divine" system of the universe. Well, pray tell, why took it into his mind, into his twisted, evil, vile mind, to get the frail elderly to defecate for themselves? And why, pray tell, did he create pain?
- Pain? - picked up the wife of Lieutenant sheisskopf. Pain is a signal. Pain warns us of dangers that threaten our body.
- And who came up with danger? asked Yossarian, and gleefully laughed. - Oh, really, as it kindly of him to give us pain! And why instead not to use the doorbell to notify us about the dangers, huh? Or call, and what are some angelic voices? Or blue or red neon lights mounted on our foreheads? Any more or less standing locksmith could do. Why he couldn't.

The dead will remain dead, no matter who wins, it your win - what a poultice is a dead dog.

He thought that he understood the feelings of Christ when he walked through the world as a psychiatrist, passes through a chamber filled with madmen, as thieved - through prison cell full of thieves. Oh, how he wanted to see a leper!

The chaplain had sinned, but it came out not evil, but good. Conventional morality told him that to lie and shirk their duties, is sin, and sin, as we all know, is evil. And evil can not produce any good. Nevertheless, the chaplain felt great, sure he did good. Therefore, it logically followed that to lie and to evade the performance of their duties - is not sinful. In a moment of divine enlightenment chaplain invented a life-saving pocket philosophical system. He was delighted with his discovery. It was a truly wonderful system!
He found that even without much manual dexterity, you can interpret Vice as a virtue, the slander as truth, as impotence abstinence, arrogance as shyness, robbery as philanthropy, deception as honesty, blasphemy into wisdom, brutality, patriotism, and sadism as justice. To use this system any mortal, great mind for it was not required. Thus, the chaplain briskly and cheerfully dealt with all the set of actions, immoral from the standard point of view.

Yossarian was jeopardizing his traditional rights of freedom and independence to those that have dared to apply this right in practice.