Character: Lieutenant Columbo

How do you do it? How can you put a woman almost in love?
- Who told you?
You said that yourself.
- Look, if you believe everything the COP says, then you are a fool.

If they do - catch them. Even if the angel did it, I'd get the handcuffs for hands and a rope for the wings.

- You have a name by which I address you?
Yes. Lieutenant.

It's a private club, international. We are only his Department. Our members are tested, the coefficient should be within the top two percent.
- Factor what, sir?
- Intelligence, Lieutenant. <...>
- So I talked to the smartest people in the world? I didn't notice.

How can you look at killing innocent animals?

- Doesn't look like a killer. You know, after fifteen years in this business, I just look at a person to say that this man cannot be the killer.
- How often you are right?
- Twenty per cent. Of course, if this man were not killed too often.

And this? I don't see the names. What's that?
Is? That, sir, is fan to ventilate the room.
- Just a fan? How embarrassing.

- Could you explain to me this?
- The art cannot be explained. That's what you feel.

- I work nights and I rarely watch TV. Mrs. Columbo reads a lot and in the evenings goes to evening classes, so a true lover of TV at our house, my dog. My friend, the TV will work - and it's great! Dog loves TV, but he fails a lot to watch. See? Do you like it? [turns to the dog]
And he likes?
- Yes, sir, I think like.
How do you know?
- He never watches what he does not like.
- And when he doesn't like, how do you know he doesn't like?
He looks very boring, despair...

- You received this award for yourself, mA'am?
- Of course, myself, Lieutenant.
- For "Best documentary". <...> Certainly, you are a very smart woman.
- Let's say: I'm a working stiff.

- You know, I remember only one new car. It was bought by my father. I remember how proud he was, how she smelled. I got the impression that you're inside of a Pullman car, even though she was not the same as yours.
- My father never owned a car until I bought him. I was twenty, I just sold my first book. We compare our stories of poverty?
- Not "rolls-Royce", mA'am.

Even some of the killers, whom I met, even I like them. Sometimes. I like them and I respect them. Not for what they did, of course not, but because they have clever, interesting or simply cute. As it is in each of us. A little bit, but it's there. Unable to believe the words of a COP.

- You have such a family, miss Lytton. Everyone thinks that I'm going to arrest him.
- Except me!
Yes... a great relief To me to speak with you, and then I began to feel a COP.
- And you are a police officer and a good. You say something only when it is needed and not before. You can keep a secret.

- Clock shows wrong. My watch worth thirty dollars, it should cost at least a couple of hundred, but are wrong. They first may. It shows once again that money doesn't mean quality.
Lieutenant, today is the first of may. Your clock is wrong and its right.
- Well, what do you want for thirty bucks?