Character: Carlos Solis

- It depends on what you buy.

When a husband gives jewelry to his wife, he expects a lot in return, but, take my word for it, no chatter.

For two adults we all too often quarrel. Why other couples go through life in a waltz?
Waltz - it's easy! And we'll dance tango.

And how did you decide to get a cat with my allergies?
- You're allergic to everything you don't like: cats, raisins, vacuum cleaner.

- I told when I realized I wanted to marry you?
- When you first saw me at the podium?
- No, then I realized that I wanted to sleep with you. In General, I realized that I wanted to marry you when we went to that restaurant on Third street. You were in a white linen dress and ordered a huge plate of ribs. And you ate them with such pleasure! All your hands in barbecue sauce, meat hanging from your teeth, hair in grease. When you're finished, I said, what a mess. And you pulled out your mirror, looked at myself and so happily laughed out loud. Your laughter filled the room. I thought, "That's the laughter I want to hear the rest of my life." That's why I offered you a hand and heart, you look at anything.
You know, when I decided I wanted to be with you forever?
- No, when?
- Two seconds ago.

A monkey almost killed a clown, and this means that the holiday failed!
- Laura's right, I'm a terrible mother.
- Look, I'm not an expert on parenting, I only know that while all the other kids ran screaming "Mother!" Juanita jumped in the bouncy house and closed it, and Celia pretended to be dead.

Just need a list of those who benefit from the death of Victor. No. 1 - you number 2 too, number 3 - maybe I am, but most likely, you.

- Why are all rich people assholes?
- Because all the beautiful females!

- Pictures should be decent and say "these people will be wonderful parents."
- What?
- And you're Topless.
- Come on, your hands all the indecent covered.
- Hands is that? One that holds a glass of tequila, or is that a Cuban cigar?

- Give him back! Remember, you got into College on a sports scholarship!
- I played Golf!
- About...