Book: Teach me to die. Page 3

The modern world frees people from having to think. Eyes, we replace the education, thought - rules, the stereotypes, and desires commercials. Everything is already invented, recorded, laid out in its place... Not think, and listen, watch and remember. About you taken care of. My the head with this shampoo, sleep in these beds, wear these jeans. Yes, of course, you have the right choice, but what is it? As long as you choose, to reflect, to analyze, the time it will take. So do not hammer in a head any nonsense. Live comfortable, let each your day will be a celebration of limitless consumption.

Do I exist in fact, or I'm just a Ghost - nobody cares. Even to myself. Those with whom I came in contact, saw me as a fleeting episode. I sought it, and I have, apparently, pretty well. People passed by, gave me puzzled looks and disappeared in a grey murky haze... Someone stopped by to pay me a couple of words, and also disappeared with a shrug in response to my answers... I inconspicuous stone at the crossroads of many foreign roads.

At birth, the umbilical cord is wrapped around the neck. I barely saved. Perhaps it was my destiny to die, plainly and without being born. The doctors lied to her. And now I feel like I take someone else's place. I should not be in this world. But I am. Perhaps because of this suffered by someone else. He had to leave... of Course, crazy thought. But she leaves me at school. Very hard to live knowing that I take someone else's place, Kotaro. It seems to me that because something I do so well be invisible. I did not notice myself, the world, the plans of which were not of a girl named Vic. It was a mistake. I stayed, but the plan has not changed. I - error in the system. The extra detail. For me it was not provided for friends, a loved one, animal some. Because in your life someone has appeared, the lines of fate intersect. And my line with nothing to interfere can. Just because it is not. It was cut back in the delivery room. Line of fate ended, and I left. Without any destiny.

Sometimes I think I'm gone. I'm just a figment of someone's imagination. A flicker of another's consciousness. Someone invented I invented a world in which I live.

Now we're imbedded in a system called society. It will take a couple of hundred years, and we will begin to implant in spaceships and grinding machines. The apogee of efficiency. The maximum benefit of society. Society half-dead mechanisms.

Void is too abstract a concept. As well as friendship, love and death. They can not imagine. And it is impossible to understand.

I'm a thirty year old boy. My life is just a game in life. The only thing I care about is the scenery and costumes in which to play. If they are good - so the game turned out. I have lived thirty years, and not knowing what it's like to quit at the peak of the torpedo, coming on goal, or hold the last line of defense, being chained to a machine gun. All that matters to me is to buy a new expensive toy or how to have fun. Not even trying to really know what I am worth. I'll live a long quiet useless life in other people's mazes and dies a stranger to himself a human. Will die, never having experienced anything in this life except the lazy boredom. And still fear to lose this life.

Strangely, no one asked the really important things. What do you do? How much you get? Where to go to relax? What car, and when you changed it last? That's all that interests others. Well, plus, "what's your favourite dish?" and "is there a family?"... Even if I am thoroughly and honestly answer all these questions, what you learn about me?

At some point, I understood very clearly that these seconds could be the last in my life. Or may not be. But sooner or later, one way or another, they will come. It is inevitable. I have to go through them. And if this had happened even a hundred years, they become nicer and easier. They will also fill a dying horror. And I as well will be consumed by the desire to live. I'll scream to myself, "not now! Please, not now!!!" Nothing will change. If I survive, it will be only a delay. And who knows how much I die for it. The price may be prohibitive.
Maybe death in a burning car on the side of the road is a gift to me.
It may be better to end it now. And that's how...
Realizing this, I stopped jerking, like a puppet in the hands of an epileptic. Realizing this, I no longer cling to your fucking life. Realizing this, I said to my death, "hi" and smiled.
Anyway, I completely belong to her. What the hell is acting like I was going to live forever?
It turns out, to feel her next to him not so scary. This is much worse... But at the same time very relieved. You only need to understand that you were doomed even before birth. And the future is only an illusion, born of lust for life.

The inevitability of death makes you to be at least to some extent man.

Life is like a ticket, you know? You need to die, when the ends of your ticket... And she wants to throw away is still valid. Only for fear that he may expire at an inopportune moment. This is wrong...

Nothing can happen until you are on the right path. The trouble appears only when you roll with it. It is an axiom.

Still do not know how to die to live bad.

Death does have one indisputable advantage. Only when you feel her breathing, you become free.