Book: Men who hate women and the women who love these men. Page 13

As a therapist, I know that the words "I love you" are not necessarily an indicator of what is happening in the relationship. I know that the behavior, not words, determines reality. Listening to patients, I asked myself: is this the way to treat a person you really love? Don't treat someone I hated?

His love is even looked especially hot and strong. The tragedy was that he was doing everything possible to destroy woman, hot love of which it is declared.

A woman does not get hidden sexual or emotional pleasure from violence by a partner. On the contrary, it demoralizes her.

I knew that the labeling of masochistic women, whose partnership is bad, has long been standard practice in my specialty and our culture. This explanation smotricius, submissive behavior of women was convenient, but very dangerous. In fact, women learn such patterns of behavior very early, they are constantly praised and rewarded for it. The paradox inherent here is that the behavior that makes women exposed to abuse, is considered to be feminine and nice. The concept of masochism is dangerous because it serves as the justification aimed at women, aggression and affirms that "women need it".

His weapons - the word and the mood. While he never raises his hand to a woman, he systematically torments her psychological bullying, which cause the same emotional damage as physical abuse.

Such people are usually not prone to feel guilt, remorse or anxiety. No matter how unpleasant these emotions, they are necessary indicators of the ethics and morality of our relations with other people.

Though, clearly, both partners are contributing to the devastation and conflict. However, when I started Dating my partners patients, I realized that their suffering is nothing compared to the pain their mate. Suffered women. All of them featured a radical drop in self-esteem and many other symptoms and syndromes. <...> Their careers ruined, their bright future faded. Previously successful and talented women begin to doubt their abilities and judgment. They experienced depression, fits of crying, more frequent bouts of anxiety. In all these cases, the problems began during the partnership or marriage.

Although to me for help usually treated women, my attention was drawn to the behavior of men. Female partners described their charming and even loving, but they were able in a second to switch to cruelty, to criticism and insults. Range of manifestations was the most wide: from overt hostility and threats to subtle, covert attacks, which took the form of permanent odergivaniya or destructive criticism. Regardless, the result was the same. Men achieved control by reducing women to zero. These men also refused to take responsibility for the feelings caused by the attack partners. On the contrary, they blamed their wives and sweethearts all the trouble.

My husband, like Jeff, was charming, sexy, romantic, I love it no mind at first sight. But I soon discovered that there is hidden anger and rage that he has the ability to make me feel insignificant, inadequate, unbalanced. He insisted on control of all my actions, beliefs, feelings.
I, Susan, in the role of a therapist could say to Nancy: "the Behavior of your husband doesn't feel like love. Actually it looks more like psychological abuse." Yes, but what I told myself? The same Susan, who is coming home in the evening, writhing snake that her husband didn't yell at her. The same Susan, who kept telling herself that her husband is a wonderful man, what about him is so wonderful, and if not, then the only blame herself.