Book: Men who hate women and the women who love these men. Page 2

If you ask the drug addict who decided to stop using drugs, what is he going to replace the narcotic ecstasy, he would be horrified. Too limited a repertoire of things he's getting good. However, when the addict is like six months of "clean", before it opens many new options, the existence of which he simply did not know before.

The decision to end a close relationship may not be easy or simple. Always there is regret or self-blame. Even when women recognize that the relationship is destructive to them, still continue to believe that the decision to leave was wrong and indicates failure. In fact, the MISTAKE is to accept the brutality, violence and bitterness. A much greater setback to remain in a destructive relationship than face to kill them. If you did everything you could to change your relationship and nothing came of it, the situation has not changed for the better, to stay, knowing that these relationships make you unhappy is wrong. In a bad marriage, nothing is sacred.

Every woman your patience threshold and, accordingly, different point of fracture. You can't predict when will happen the moment that finally put the troubled relationship to the brink.

Psychotherapy with a man who appreciates and respects you is an amazing gift that you can give to yourself. But choose a consultant carefully, just as you choose a doctor for their children. A bad therapist will bring you more harm than good.

Indeed, many of my male colleagues are considerate, attentive and understand what problems women face in relationships. I will always remember one group, which we conducted together with a young psychiatrist. One woman was very embarrassed about the problems in her ten-year marriage. She told about several instances when her husband showed incredible cruelty and had a psychological violence, and then asked why she's not okay. And my colleague replied:
"Emotional beat with a refined cruelty every day. Here nothing to talk about. It's not a question of looks or gender policy. You experience violence every day. You're all fine, except for the fact that you still have not learned to protect themselves."
Since this woman took over so many negative views from her own husband, for it was extremely important to get approval from other men. I saw the look of relief and gratitude on her face. She really felt that she was heard, for perhaps the first time in many years.

A therapist-a man who never worked through their own relationship with women, can play their basic human scenarios with patients.

Some therapists men are initially set up in favor of men when working with couples or with women. They are convinced that if in relations there are problems, they blame first and foremost a woman. I had to hear from the psychotherapists-men: "They can't be as bad as she says. Maybe she likes being treated bad, and specially it provokes".

Many therapists, some psychiatrists and psychoanalysts are students of the Freudian school, which defines women as inferior, hysterical masochist. The therapist is a Freudian, both male and female, often sees its job is to help the patient to adapt to its "proper" role. In this case, under the mental health means submissively, the orientation on care and support of a male partner, as if he was. If women will have their own ambitions, it will announce competing, castrating and masculine. Surprisingly, this archaic model is still dominant among most therapists.

The therapist needs to provide you feedback - feedback. Too many therapists are sitting passively and not telling his players anything other than "yeah" and "what are you about this feeling?". Therapist who actively leads you towards constructive change in behavior that will save you tons of time and money.

The man who had never hit a woman, maybe impulsive to degenerate into violence, when you feel insecure. This is a desperate attempt to regain control.

Defining the boundaries for your partner, remember, you aim to change not him, but his attitude towards you.

All of the reaction your partner's further proof that you are stronger. It you intend to take the risk and alter the behavior, you are living in greater peace with their feelings than he; it is your survival does not depend on dominance over another person and the subordination of it.

When you set limits and try to change themselves and their behavior, you knock down the balance of power in your relationship. When you begin to demand some of the power which was in his sole possession, expect that he would resist. It will not be so easy to surrender their positions. It can start even more poison you and tyrannize. He can behave cold to scare care to try to punish you. Remember that he lives inside a frightened child, and it's rude, controlling behavior is an attempt to hide your own insecurities. Maybe you'll feel better if you remind yourself that behave this way, only those who are afraid. No one living in peace with itself, doesn't need to control other people.

When a person is confident, he says quietly: "I can Express my opinion and you can like or dislike".