Author of quotes: Simon Amstell

Where in the world can be sexist? We all come from women. When... when we become sexist? Do we sit in the womb and think, "Well, good, but dad would be better managed".

I met someone who was very jealous that at some point I had to say: "I did not find attractive. Which is weird because before I met you... Perhaps they've all moved on".

He went to a great acting school in London that taught him to cultivate his sensitivity and vulnerability, and that makes him a great actor. I went in the morning acting school in Essex, where we were taught that, what would you do: they sang, danced or played, just make it loud. I have not succeeded in any of this, but when I danced, people heard...

I believe that we should treat people with love, kindness and respect, like you treat a child who runs at the party and shouts: "I'm a helicopter".
And you answer him: "Lucky you! We're all having fun! I train".

I don't want to offend religious people who might now beside me. It is inappropriate to attack religious people is... Well, you know, it's too easy, like when the battle is already won.

Two years ago I bought an apartment in it, in the bathroom, two sinks. I thought I would like it, but it's a constant reminder. And that's what I'm doing now, actually - I'm using both sinks. I brush my teeth on the left and on the right, mostly crying.

She was beautiful and knew it. But, I think, is the only thing she knew.

I was in Amsterdam for three days, and all this time I thought about sex. Except, perhaps, forty minutes in the Anne Frank... although I spent an hour in there.

I realized my type is me but better. That sounds good to me, I just need to find someone who is looking for himself, but much, much worse.