Character: Alvie Singer (Alvy Singer)

Don't underestimate Masturbation. It's sex with someone I love.

Love. That word just expresses.

One time I dated a woman from the Eisenhower administration. I was the most funny thing is I was trying to do with her... what Eisenhower was doing to the country for the last eight years.

I don't want to move to the city where the only cultural achievement - the ability to turn right on red.

- I haven't been myself since then as I quit Smoking.
- You quit Smoking?
- Yes, sixteen years ago.

I don't want to be a member of the club, which includes someone like me.

- Great! They spend all day eating and watching movies.
And gradually grow old and die. From time to time strain is useful.

You know the old joke? Two elderly women in the boarding house in Catskills the mountains. One says: "the Food here is terrible." The other replied: "Yes, I know. And besides, the portions are so small!" Essentially, I view life: loneliness, trouble, suffering, misfortune. And all too quickly ends.

I am reminded of the old joke about the guy who came to a psychiatrist and says "Doc, my brother's crazy, he thinks he's a chicken!" And the doctor says, "What are you trying to do?" And the guy answers: "I would have, Yes, I need eggs!" And among people. We understand that the relationship is irrational, absurd and incompetent, but we continue to live, as most of us want eggs.