TV series: Welcome to the nuthouse (Takin' Over the Asylum). Page 1

I don't have to obey the whims of time and space!

- You picked a bad time. Tuesdays at 7 PM is "Emmerdale".
- So I have to start at 7:30?
- Then they'd miss EastEnders.
- 8:00?
- No chance. "Bill." TV is not just entertainment. It is rather a way of life.

We'll be arrested. We lay charges! This is the most glorious day of my life!

My husband is a Builder. It was his idea to make the repairs, but we never did.
- The case when the shoemaker without shoes.
- No. A case where the cobbler is sleeping with his Secretary.

- So you want to work in radio?
Yes.
- Then work on the radio! But you have to find a wife or be alone. Ask crazy one to be your wife.
I thought you didn't approve?
- To live with you, the girl must be crazy!

You know what a microwave is? Put in her lunch, and microwaves make the molecules move! Almost like ect.

- I said that I'm your husband, and the janitor let me in.
The watchman would let you in if you said that you were Jack the Ripper.

Know what I realized? Between insanity and genius is one difference - the right time! Set off a fire extinguisher in a psychiatrist office and you immediately put! Do it in front of an audience - and it's all high farce!

- Everything all right?
- "Normal"?! We killed it out there!
- That explains the fire extinguisher.

Fu, it was the most humiliating moment of my life.
- What is that? Asking me for a date?
- Asking a woman to pretend to be my girlfriend.
- Then I will pretend to be so good that no one will know.

I can't hear you, Campbell.
- ... From way back in 1959.
- Still can't hear you.
Eddie, I'm a mentally ill person. If I shout any louder, I will link and give a sedative.

- You're drunk, my friend...
- But to you it helps?
- Yes, but I'm a professional.

- How did you manage?! How could you lie like that?
- It's not a lie! Sometimes you just have to look someone in the eye and tell the truth that should be instead of that which really is.

- Tell me, do you know why you're here?
Yes.
- Why are you here?
- I thought it was you doctor?
- I'm a doctor.
Then why don't you know why I'm here?