Author of quotes: Woody Allen (Allen Stewart Konigsberg)

My next life I want to live backwards. To start with the death - just one problem less.⠀
To Wake up in a nursing home every day feeling better and better. Then kick you out because you're too healthy. Some time you retire, then begin to work on the first day honoring you and give a watch. You work 40 years until younger to start to enjoy doing nothing: parties, sex and booze. It prepares you for the senior classes of school, then Junior, then you become a baby and spend your days in games, nothing to worry before the birth. Then you spend 9 months of relaxing in luxury resorts with Central heating and food delivered to the room, becoming every day more roomier and spacious. Then "kaboom!" and in the final you into orgasm."
⠀

Idleness - the best of the lessons, sorry to have to give it up on vacation, when the main thing is to find at least something to do.

Vacation is the time when you want to do something, and nothing.

Yes, in a couple's life there are "accidents", but when deflated, you can't throw ' em out the car.

The only time my wife and my orgasm came at the same time, a moment that was when the judge signed the divorce settlement.

If you ask me that means the perfect wife, I will tell you, is a cultured, intelligent woman, a good mother of your children, and at night a sleazy pervert.

I was brought up in the Jewish tradition, which forbids to marry a non-Jew, shave on a Saturday night and, particularly, to shave a female Gentile on Saturday evening.

Success is the ability to appear in the right place at the right time.

If I got a tattoo, it would be the inscription "Mother".

Relationship is irrational madness, but we all go through it, because we love curry.

I don't know the question, but sex is definitely the answer.
I don't know the answer to your question, but sex is definitely the best answer.

The success of a marriage not so much to find the perfect partner, but rather to be the perfect partner.

You will be in this life is the hundredth as just discard everything that makes you want to be the first.

Lion and the DOE can work together to go to sleep, but DOE not sleep enough.