Comic: Cyanide and Happiness (Cyanide and Happiness). Page 1

“I just don’t want Jesus' death in vain.

- It's a mirror.

I don't need to drink to have fun. Can quit at any time.
- You tried to throw forty times.
Oh my God, I have a real problem. I'm hooked on the cast.

When you use the phrase "better late than never":
- It was fun! I've never fished!
- Better late than never!
When not to use the phrase "better late than never":
Something I'm late...
- Better late than never!

- Hey, buddy! Long time no see! How are you?
- You know, not really... I'm already thinking about suicide.
- Come on, dude... don't say that. Think about your friends and family. What if they would like to kill you?

- Hey, bitch... maybe more things that bring you money?
- My brains?

- Those who do not know their history are doomed to repeat it.
- Those who forget to clear their history are doomed to its explanation.

Great, you got the meat for the barbecue. I'm going to buy Timmy a gift. He may even stop crying and the whole day crying. By the way, where's Timmy?
- Have you heard the saying "Two birds with one stone"?

- Well, you and Karen yesterday something happened?
- Yes, as always. Just moved closer to work, as I sobbed and couldn't stop.
- Nerves?
- Gas canister.

- I have such a strange condition - I don't feel pain. What is it called?
- Death?
Exactly.

- The P... Maaam! Dad's on the phone.
- In fact, he's not your father. Your father - vodka. If not vodka, you wouldn't be here now.

You look horrible! What happened to you?
- I read a book called "How to become a ninja." And then I tried to get into a fight.
- Not clear that you learned something.
But I realized one thing... Real ninjas don't write books.

- A wise man once said, "it's Never too late to find love, because of love for all ages".
- I understand. But I still hate to see you with my grandma.

- Quite right, sir, if our super-cleaner can't clean up dog shit with your floor, I'll eat it myself!
- Enjoy, we have the morning the electricity went out.