Movie: Bad Santa (Bad Santa)

- The beard's not real.
Yeah what the fuck?! She was real, but I got sick, all my hair fell out and now I wear this s**Nude.
- How are you sick?
- I fell in love with a woman who was unclean.
Mrs. Santa?
- No, it was her sister.
- What's it like at the North pole?
- In the suburbs.
- What?
- Apache junction... You don't**d eh?.. So, get off the knee, was seated, fuck like a dunce....
- You are really Santa, right?
- No, I'm an accountant and this stuff just***case pulled, okay?
- Okay.

- You're not the real Santa. If you were real, you'd be able to conjure.
I'll work my magic? Let's see how you will disappear.

Whatcha want?
- ...
- Come on, what do you want? Rag - to wipe the snot?
- ...
- Great, another moron... Marcus, take it away until I'm not pissed!

- My God, boy...when I was your age I was a gorilla on the *** is not needed. I was smaller than your foot, I was beaten up by four and I tearfully ran to dad, you know what he did?
- All corrected?
- No, I thrashed. Do you know why?
- Because you went a little in my mom's dishes?
- What the ***s? No.
- He wanted you to stop crying and behave like a man?
- No. Because he was a mean drunk, and when he wasn't hitting, then extinguished cigarettes on my neck. The world is unfair. You need to take what you need, when possible. Learn to defend himself. Stop being a coward. Give these guys in the balls, or whatever. Or not. Hell for all I care. I was not harnessed. Now get out of here.

Once I was in prison. Was twice married. Then I Boad in the army and I had two and a half years to live somewhere in the ass to Mexico without any reason. I broke a facial bone, had a kidney removed in my ankle, I got a piece of bone that never healed... All the shit I've seen, but disgusting that this shit was nothing. If I had known that I would have to mess with a pack of screaming brats, piss on my lap for 30 days out of the year, I would have committed suicide!

- What is wrong with you? you as a child on the head is not dropped?
- On my head?
- What you can drop on someone else's head?
I could drop my own head?

Where I come from, Christmas is not celebrate, not because we are Jews, but because my dad was a head ***anuti asshole and thought the best gift a slap.

Dream in one hand, shit in the other then see which fills up faster.