Author of quotes: Mark TWAIN. Page 30

Let us so live that even the undertaker took pity on us when we die!

As soon as we are talking about literature, common sense people have evaporated and all the confidence that this specialty does not need nor training or experience - just confidence in your talent and courage of a lion.

The best way to cheer yourself is to cheer somebody.

God has the power to do good or evil children, but does only evil; God could easily make their creations happy, but prefers to make them unhappy; God tells them to cling to a bitter life, but stingy is counting every moment of it; God gives his angels eternal happiness for free, but the rest of their children makes you suffer, makes one achieve bliss in pain and torment; God and his angels freed from suffering, and their other children gave incurable disease, ulcers of the spirit and body! God that preaches justice, and invented hell calling to love our neighbor as ourselves, and to forgive enemies seven times seven, and invented hell! God prescribes moral life, but, moreover, he is immoral; condemns the criminal, being a criminal; God created man without asking him, but put all the responsibility on his fragile shoulders, instead of taking on their own; and finally, all the truly divine stupidity makes his servant, tortured and desecrated slave to himself to pray...

The banker is the person to borrow You an umbrella when the sun shines brightly, and taking it at the exact moment when it starts raining.

Cat, just sitting on a hot stove will not sit on a hot stove. And cold too.

Friendship is such a sacred, sweet, strong and constant feeling that it can keep for a lifetime, if not try to ask to borrow money.

The secret source of humor is not joy, and in sadness; in heaven there is no humor.

Any cheating can heal, if the patient strongly believes in him.

No one condones the devil, all condemn it, but do it without insolence, with a share of respect.

Man is the only animal that blushes. However, only he has.
(Man is the only animal that blushes, or, in certain circumstances, should blush.)

Let's assume that we are all mad - that explains so much, will allow to solve many problems.

In this life You only need ignorance and confidence -
and the success is guaranteed.

If you pick up on the street watchdog and feed her, she'll never bite. This is the difference between dog and man.
Another option:
If you pick the dying hunger of a dog and feed him his fill, he will not bite you. This is a fundamental difference between dog and man.