Character: Charlie Harper. Page 1

- Look, love!
- Like a dog chasing cars: it won't, and even if you catch up, you will not be able to manage.
But it is more likely than you.

- It's not right, every month I send the child support on clothes, food, shoes! For everything, even the shoes!
- Alan, how are you suffering from Alzheimer's disease in a brothel... All the time surprised that you have! ... And don't want to pay for it!

I thought you'd be happy!
- I rejoice: you and your festering eye managed to arrange a date with the most beautiful woman in the world. Not only am I happy for you... I have to admit that I'm proud of you. Now I have to change my whole theory about men, women, their relationships, about God and the universe. But that's not your concern...

- Wow! You met with her?
Yes.
- Why did you stop?
- I do not remember, she must me tired...
- Tired as she may be bored?
- Alan! Every beautiful woman has at least one man bored of conversations instead of sex!

Baba's loving tearful apology! Smeared snot, until they are roses will bloom!
- Poor devil! Will come, and broken - in this body there is no soul!

Sarcasm - a lot of winners.

What is with women? Go on you get married and suddenly become beautiful...

You're a Saint, just give my brother! No, really! It would be like to pick up a bird with a broken wing, to put it in a box and feed with a pipette. I know that she will never fly, but I try. The bird is Alan.

What happened, is she hot?
Every beauty in the world there's a guy that's tired of screwing her.

- ... I had a tumor in his groin.
- Bad place for a tumor.
- Is there good?
The groin of the other person.

- Know how to deal with a hangover? Not to stop drinking.

- The relationship should be built on trust and mutual respect.
- Grow up! Relationships are built on diamond earrings and viagra.

- Where's your money?
- Good question.. You know how poker looks easy on TV when you see all the cards.
Yes.
- So in reality everything is different.

Besides you there are other people, and they all live their lives.
- Right. Hate them.