Character: Charlie Harper. Page 2

Ex girlfriend calls in two cases: either it all hurt, and she had this to boast, or all bad, and she needed the money.

The myth of the fragile frightened women came up with a fat arrogant aunt, who secretly rule the world.

- ... success is measured not only by machines.
- Well, Yes. There are more yachts, swimming pools..

There's something you want, you can get ahead of the cheeseburger?
- Now?! How can you think about food?
- What are you thinking about when you're hungry?

- I think she is very nice.
- Me too. When will she be back?
- So, today is Sunday, so... never.

I tried to communicate with him. He says one thing and does another.
- He's 10! The brain of a Hummingbird.
- What to do when he doesn't listen?
- To punish, to take away the computer, TV, toys.
- You already took it all. Do I have to take his asthma inhaler?!

- It is necessary to bring the trash cans in the house.
- Take out the trash, not today.
- Not here, Judith.
- Judith?! Alan, she's kicked you out.
But that doesn't mean she doesn't need me.
- It does matter.
- Well, we're still married, the house while my wife is counting on me in some areas. Which is good, because it creates opportunity for reconciliation.
- Okay. I wonder how spineless can raise the tank?

- Think about it, you all grown up and back living with mom. How do you feel on a scale from 1 to... 2?

- If you have someone who cleans the house and who goes shopping, and is the one with whom you can have fun, the only reason for which you need a wife to get rid of half of the property.

- I told you about my daughter.
- You have a daughter?
- Even three.
Three? Wow... it is Time to learn to say "no".
( - I told you about the daughter told?
- You have a daughter?
- Three.
Three, wow.. Reliability always goes sideways.)

- The clothes look like an idiot.
- You ten. Nobody cares.

- Jake, I'll tell you a secret. The hottest girls are always the loneliest because guys are afraid of them even talk.

- Just because nothing tucks. You live in dreams. Money does not fall from the sky!
- You never sat in the first row, when the stripper was upside down on the pole.

- Sure you don't want to drink?
- Not when I'm depressed, alcohol only gets worse.
Yeah, the trick is to drink this time... It's not a sprint it's a marathon.