Character: Charlie Harper

Even if a woman stands before you on his knees and making a Blowjob, she still firmly holding you by the balls.

- Such things are out of fashion.
- They are out of fashion, when you're out of the competition.

- How to stop being afraid?
- I drink.

- Alan, you're always stepping on the same rake being the good boy, fixing everything to be loved. Mom is not appreciated, your two Chicks, too. And the wife will not catch.
You always ignored the concept of duty and responsibility in relationships between people.
- Do not argue, but I immediately feel when a chick uses me in a bad way.

Alan! In every man's life there comes a moment when he must choose love or sex. Fourteen years ago you made the wrong choice - you foolishly married, and got neither one nor the other. And now fate gives you another chance. So don't let him. Hold! Grab the elastic ass!

She's an evil genius, Alan. She lived in Gotham, Batman wouldn't last a day.

Enough! Stop! Don't call me "smart guy." The name of the idiot who is on holiday instead of sultry chick gets to dance with her ugly-cousin.

Your mistake was to talk to them as a group. Women should be separated from the herd one by one! Otherwise they will throw you and trample with his hooves. Act like a bull!

- What about creativity? You know, I write music. I will be able to do it?
- You write her eggs?

God! You gave me a lot of money so that I don't know where to put them, a lovely house and a surprisingly resilient liver. You give me the full measure, and I have a favor to ask. Of all the gifts that you sent me, nothing says more of Your glory than Chelsea's heavenly Breasts. Don't know why you won't give her another and a strong spine, but who am I to doubt you, Lord! You probably know that she wants to interfere with your excellent work and I hope you will convince her to return to the right path - to physicality. Amen!
Oh, one more thing, I'm sorry that we haven't talked, but I'm having a crisis of faith after last year's super bowl. But that was then, I gained the NBA finals. By the way, I like what you did with Kobe!

- Unfortunate! I feel sorry for him.
- Like a dog who sticks his face in a spinning fan.

Bertha, as you washed my underwear?
- As well as everyone else in this house with a song on his lips and with love in your heart!

Someone who likes salt, some pepper. Someone salt, and pepper. I love women!

- Took Myra to the airport?
Yes. And know I will never see her again. I've been so episode. Maybe this is the karma that everyone is talking about.
- Maybe...
- You know the feeling when someone disappears from your life and understand you without it sucks!
- You know...
I don't like it!