Character: Alan Harper

- You're still married?
Divorced.
And heavily lit?
- Left panties...

- What happened to the poster of Harry Potter?
- I'm not a child, dad.
You don't have to be a child to love Harry Potter...

- Alan, you're always stepping on the same rake being the good boy, fixing everything to be loved. Mom is not appreciated, your two Chicks, too. And the wife will not catch.
You always ignored the concept of duty and responsibility in relationships between people.
- Do not argue, but I immediately feel when a chick uses me in a bad way.

- You gave my wife a waffle iron?
- I was young... She loved waffles...

Why are they fighting?
They're not fighting, but talking.
- I'm a child of divorce, dad, I can feel the difference!

- Unfortunate! I feel sorry for him.
- Like a dog who sticks his face in a spinning fan.

- I wanted to ask: if a woman cries after sex, what does it mean?
- From my experience means that the prison date was over!

- Took Myra to the airport?
Yes. And know I will never see her again. I've been so episode. Maybe this is the karma that everyone is talking about.
- Maybe...
- You know the feeling when someone disappears from your life and understand you without it sucks!
- You know...
I don't like it!

... Yeah, my brother is forgiven - someone shakes hands with someone waving. And my brother pokes her tongue mouth! Think!

- Beauty, sexuality, cooking, Laundry!
- Marriage, routine, maintenance, demise!

- Look, love!
- Like a dog chasing cars: it won't, and even if you catch up, you will not be able to manage.
But it is more likely than you.

- It's not right, every month I send the child support on clothes, food, shoes! For everything, even the shoes!
- Alan, how are you suffering from Alzheimer's disease in a brothel... All the time surprised that you have! ... And don't want to pay for it!

I thought you'd be happy!
- I rejoice: you and your festering eye managed to arrange a date with the most beautiful woman in the world. Not only am I happy for you... I have to admit that I'm proud of you. Now I have to change my whole theory about men, women, their relationships, about God and the universe. But that's not your concern...

- Wow! You met with her?
Yes.
- Why did you stop?
- I do not remember, she must me tired...
- Tired as she may be bored?
- Alan! Every beautiful woman has at least one man bored of conversations instead of sex!