TV series: Dead like me (Dead like me). Page 2

Want to know how to scare themselves to death? Knock on the wrong door.

The rules is the first step to the enslavement of the soul.

When you can't understand someone's care, you hold on to what they left you. It is much easier to accept the loss, if the memory remained something wonderful.

- After fifty women are witches.
Why?
- Because they disappear.

Five reasons why men are scum and women let us get away with:
First: We only need one, no exceptions!
Second: We fall in love with you before that to, and immediately cool down as soon as I got and women the opposite - after the fall.
Third: We are ready to lie, cheat, steal and kill just to get my... Enough you're a big to to fuck you.
Fourth: We honestly recognize the first three, and women don't.
And the fifth reason why men goats, and women all forgive: you are unable to live without us.

I love you. But I don't like.

I'll tell you a story. Not about himself, about me then. It's just a story, are you ready? A long time ago, well, at the beginning of time, God was very busy with the creation of the world, as we now say. Once he gave the toad a jar and said, "Be careful, within it death." Very proud of the toads didn't know what he is going to fail the divine mission - to keep death and promised to protect the pitcher. But one day toad met frog.
"Let me hold the jar of death," said the frog. With a very clever view of the toads said, "No." But the frog insisted, and after much whining toad gave up. "You can hold him, but only a little bit," he said. Delighted, the frog began to juggle the jar, tossing it from foot to foot. Toad was a jerk. "Stop it," he shouted, but it was too late: the frog dropped the jar, and it shattered into pieces. And death is on the loose.
And from that moment, all living beings became mortal. Imagine how would be a better world if frogs did not exist at the moment. Now we all know that we all die. Some earlier than others. I did it much earlier...

Funerals are always the same nonsense. Say what you were a cute, wonderful and full of life, and that it's time, and God works in mysterious ways. Never say anything bad. You can be at least a giant shit in the toilet, and still a whiff of rose.

Don't know what I was more upset: the fact that I'm dead, or what the first guy looking at my naked body was a coroner.

- Mom, I can do it! I'm going!
- Well done, daughter!
And I'm not going back!

You smile ladies on vicodin....

Never bet on anything that can talk: if it can talk, so can be bribed.

- Good afternoon, lady you girlfriend?
- Our children in the same class.
- I have a question for you: are these people morons?
What? (Excuse me?)
- All these people you got, assholes?
- No.
- So boorish here you.
- I have children in the car.
- I have a cake in the oven, he runs out the Park, she had a business meeting... we all Have little time.
- ...
- Go to the end of the queue. And do not dare to speculate on the children - a shame.

Maybe death is a temporary job, and life is just a vacation that you need to spend with those you love and those who love you.