psychotherapy [Theme] Page 2

Obviously nightmares somehow help us to cope with the stresses of real time.
Apparently bad dreams cure you of real life stress.

You'd be surprised what lengths people will go to avoid this, what has hurt them from the inside. This is my job. In fact, I engage in torture. My methods of torture are asking you to trust people. I ask you to release control of his hands. But if me people were treated the way they treated you, I would also want to sit in a toilet and hide away from the world.

And she [the mother] all the time, "Oh, you can't go because you're different. You don't have to expose yourself." She even used You in an argument: "Oh, just think what Kester would say".
- What did she think I'd say?
- She said You would think it was a bad idea. She knows about everything, as we say here. She doesn't know about what kind of work we did, so I became bold and confident. She constantly reminds me that I'm sick.
- I agree with your mom.
- No, You don't think so.
- You're recovering from a serious illness. If your leg was broken you would have tried to run a marathon after only 2 months?
- So You still think I'm unhealthy? Who were You arguing with? Last week, in the Parking lot. I've seen You. How can I afford to listen to someone whose life is in even more disarray than mine? What's the point of these sessions?
To find out what pushed you over the edge and to prevent it in the future.
- Oh, You're always asking questions. Why would you hurt yourself why you're losing your mind? Sometimes there is NO why. I just do it! To be here and being asked about it every day. So I can't leave it in the past! I was bored. I was all alone. I didn't have friends. Now I'm finally popular. And again You want to make me feel different.

- On meeting with this doctor as they are? As to the dentist, sensitive reluctantly, or, conversely, as the glass of water when you're thirsty?
- Many to this a very long time coming, ashamed of it and then you can just come and go. Not everyone likes to dig in his dirty linen, how to deal with them. On the one hand, it's a shame, and embarrassment for some. But it just needs to be addressed - this is normal. This is a civilized approach to work.

- I'm a horrible person, Kester.
- Why do you say that?
My mom asked me if I cared about the new baby. And I said "No". And the worst thing is that I really meant it. I'm not worried. It seems to me that I ruin everything. And the more I try to fix it, the worse it gets. This applies not only to moms. They're my friends. And Chloe.
Because you can't fix other people until you fix yourself.
But I can't be fixed. Because I'm crazy.
- You're not crazy. If you want to be a good person to other people, that's where you should start.
I tried being nice to myself!
- Really?! Because you told me what a horrible person. You're just using what's happening with Chloe or your mum as another reason to hate myself.
- At each session You're telling me that I need to love myself, I need to start more about myself. In the course of many months. You sound like a broken record. But You never tell me how to start or when to start or where!
- Well, we'll start right now! Not tonight, not tomorrow, not after this Cup of tea. We'll start RIGHT NOW. Close your eyes. Now tell me that you don't like about yourself but be honest. Not clever, not angry. Be honest.
- I'm fat. And I'm ugly. And I ruin everything.
- Try to remember how long you feel that way.
I do not know. Nine or ten years.
- I.e. a view of yourself you created a long time ago. Open your eyes. I want you to introduce the tenth version of yourself sitting right there on this couch. This little girl who first believed she was fat and ugly, and she's confused. I want you to imagine that she's sitting here, right now. Tell this girl that she's fat.
- I'm not going to do that.
- Tell her she's ugly.
I don't want.
- Tell her she's a burden, worthless, useless. Because that's what you do every day in relation to itself. So, you think she's ugly?
- No.
Or fat?
- No.
- Or burden? Or awful? Or useless?
- Just stop! No! Okay? No.
- What would you say to that little girl? If she told you about how one perceives and feels, what would you say to her?
- She's fine. She is beautiful.
- That's what you need to tell yourself. Every time you feel anxiety, fear, panic, you need to soothe yourself as you would soothe the little girl. You need to tell yourself that everything will be fine. If you can do it, I promise you that you can do anything.

- I love psychotherapy!
And, have you been?
- Only once, in childhood. When mom... died.
- Oh, your mother...
But that's all right! So it's not exactly normal - I would be happy if she were alive, - I just dealt with it. I do not need to write this down.
- I write for myself. You no one here will judge.
- Yes, we know.
- My dad also died. It can record.
- So, Barry. Iris told me a little about you during our conversation. Getting married soon?
Yes... Yes, we've come a long way...
- Yeah...
First we grew up together... Then I was engaged to another...
- Oh, right.
- Also worth recording? By the way, he also died.
- I see you have both had a lot of losses...
Well... no, not that...
- ... Eddie and Ronnie...
- ... Yeah, a little...
- ... My mom... Ha-er...
- ... very little...
- ... Laura...
- ... was...
- Snart ... ...
- ... a lot of funerals.
Yes.

- Rick, why did you lie to your daughter?
- Not to go here.
- Why you don't want to be here?
Because I do not respect the therapy, because I'm a scientist. Because I live in that invent, create and destroy. I change the world if what I do not like it. A visit to the office in the shopping center with the purpose of communication with the Ambassador of typicality, which explains the meaning of the words, never helped. Perhaps helping people to relax and to stop panicking, but it's a warehouse *burp* mind the animals that we eat. And I do not need it. I'm not a cow. I'm a cucumber! When I want to be...

- Well, she's generous, as a therapist, lover, friend.
- So, stop. You slept with the therapist.
What? Only at the beginning, then she decided that sex is not worth paying for. Complies with ethics, you know.

Psychotherapy with a man who appreciates and respects you is an amazing gift that you can give to yourself. But choose a consultant carefully, just as you choose a doctor for their children. A bad therapist will bring you more harm than good.

Indeed, many of my male colleagues are considerate, attentive and understand what problems women face in relationships. I will always remember one group, which we conducted together with a young psychiatrist. One woman was very embarrassed about the problems in her ten-year marriage. She told about several instances when her husband showed incredible cruelty and had a psychological violence, and then asked why she's not okay. And my colleague replied:
"Emotional beat with a refined cruelty every day. Here nothing to talk about. It's not a question of looks or gender policy. You experience violence every day. You're all fine, except for the fact that you still have not learned to protect themselves."
Since this woman took over so many negative views from her own husband, for it was extremely important to get approval from other men. I saw the look of relief and gratitude on her face. She really felt that she was heard, for perhaps the first time in many years.

A therapist-a man who never worked through their own relationship with women, can play their basic human scenarios with patients.

Some therapists men are initially set up in favor of men when working with couples or with women. They are convinced that if in relations there are problems, they blame first and foremost a woman. I had to hear from the psychotherapists-men: "They can't be as bad as she says. Maybe she likes being treated bad, and specially it provokes".

Many therapists, some psychiatrists and psychoanalysts are students of the Freudian school, which defines women as inferior, hysterical masochist. The therapist is a Freudian, both male and female, often sees its job is to help the patient to adapt to its "proper" role. In this case, under the mental health means submissively, the orientation on care and support of a male partner, as if he was. If women will have their own ambitions, it will announce competing, castrating and masculine. Surprisingly, this archaic model is still dominant among most therapists.

The therapist needs to provide you feedback - feedback. Too many therapists are sitting passively and not telling his players anything other than "yeah" and "what are you about this feeling?". Therapist who actively leads you towards constructive change in behavior that will save you tons of time and money.