Book: Where are you. Page 1

Week after week he tried to persuade me to accept things the way they are, and to obediently respond to the movement of life, but if there was a man tightly locked in the castle's own life in anticipation of something unknown or someone, it was him.

Special lies he entangled himself in his own woven web of lies.

Sleepless nights, a reluctance to bond with potential friends, the chill in relations with parents who loved me - all this has made my life lonely, but I even liked it.

And another thing I don't like children: at some point everyone will say that you already deep down know but don't want to admit it.

When you're left to itself, inevitably begin to pay attention to any signs.

Sometimes, people are disappearing right from under his nose, or suddenly see us in new ways, even if kept eye. Sometimes we ourselves lose sight of, if you weren't attentive enough to him.

What if people felt incredibly miserable, decided a little to alone, Packed the bags and then disappeared into thin air for real? No one will look for him just because he expressed dissatisfaction with his life? But we all from time to time, complain about life, isn't it?
Sandy was silent.
- Am I wrong? Here you are, don't you wish you found?
- Jack, I'll tell you one thing. The only thing that leads to despair more than the inability to find someone is when I can't find you. I would love to me someone found. More than anything, would like, - she said firmly.

When you can't find it, it's about the same when you're suddenly unable to remember the words of my favorite songs, which I know by heart. Or when I suddenly forget the name of the person is very well know and with whom you meet every day, or the name of the famous group that sings some of the hit. It's so annoying that twist and twist these thoughts in my head, because I know that the answer probably exists, but no one ever you do not tell. And this thought hammer and hammer you and does not calm down until you find the answer.

I've chased the answer to the numerous other people's problems that in some point I ceased to wonder what goes on in my own head.

Often - you should understand that it is a precious moment, and it is over, remove nothing. Too late we understand that.

Just habit, I insisted with a shrug.
I wonder how many difficulties, complexes and allergic reactions that fills my life can be reduced to a shrug and two words?! How little is able to be words!

Love and hate share a fine line. Love frees the soul, but at the same time able to block the airway. I moved through this tightly stretched wire with the grace of an elephant, and the head was urging me in the direction of hatred, and the heart was drawn to the half of love. It was hard work, I was rocked, and sometimes I have failed. Sometimes give up for a long time, but never for too long.
And never for so long as this time.
I'm not asking to be loved. Never wanted to please and didn't ask to understand me. However, I never understood. When I was acting, when he left his bed, escaped from the embrace, hung up the phone and closed the door of his house, I struggled to understand himself and like himself. But it's who I am.
So, I was.

I learned not to ask questions, because he still didn't answer them, and I didn't want to know. Didn't know that. Sometimes, however, still asked, but he kept silent - thinking about it, I came to the conclusion that in a certain sense, we remained quite strangers, close acquaintances only within this room. We managed to create a world, define its rules and to hold the line between us: to cross it was impossible, but fun days were allowed to dance around her.

We are looking in the wrong place, and because I can't find them...