Character: Felix Unger. Page 1

- Felix, how do you know all this?
- Oh, it's a hobby. Someone knits, I read medical journals... and knit.

- Oscar, when was the last time you saw a doctor?
- Look, it's Thursday, right? So in 1998.

Wow, old Felix, think about the clouds of microbes, lurking on the tips of his fingers.
- I'm not gonna lie, the new Felix wondering about this too. But life is short. Probably even shorter.

Emily, I can't tell you how much I thank you for that. I hope I'm not putting you in an awkward position?
- Felix, you can put me in any position. Oh, I'm not talking about sex.

- Brother Oscar will tell you how I've changed. Felix 2:0 says "bro."
- So I have to wear a suit and tell them how good you are? I was hoping to wait until your funeral.

If you remember, the main complaint Ashley was that I was manic-sensitive nerd. To which I replied that's three separate complaints.

You were right, no matter how scary it is, sometimes you have to rely on fate.

- Maybe she just does not fit.
What?
I'm just saying that some things cannot be controlled.
I don't think so.
Why?
Because if to trust to fate, there is no guarantee that she won't leave me alone forever.

- Relax and let me be your...Felix
Robin Hood?..
- The Cupid. Sorry, I had to lift my leg and not pull a bow.
- Yes, and now Cupid.

- Love is impossible, it cannot be scheduled, it just happens.
So she should sit at home and hope that someone will pass by?
- No need to try, there are many options to improve your chances.

- Felix, you can't control the romance.
- It does not control, is the creation of a love algorithm to compare the data, weight categories and to determine the long-term potential.

Perhaps I'll take the tie. My ties have recently become quite unmanageable.
Thank you, Felix, 45 to you. And you, Oscar, something like that?
- Yes, I think I'll take these cufflinks for my friend Murph.
- These are $ 600.
- [Oscar returns cufflinks] Guys don't buy guys jewelry.

- Teddy, no!
- To hell with the diet, I'm hungry.
- It is not food, it's cardboard, varnish and paint.
I don't care!

Hey, I have an idea: why don't you shut up!
- I'm sorry, what?
- UE-UE-UE, I'm not as popular as someone else! Ye-ye-ye... "Favorite"! Do you realize how lucky you are? You get paid for the work that you love! Look at me, instead of designing jewelry, I spent days cleaning the latrines and burning the carcass of pans, which itself was set on fire, but not the point.
Wow, thank you for your candor. We digress, Yes, Oscar?
- I didn't say "Favorite", but yeah.
- And, Emily, we believe in you, it's all just part of the way.
Yeah, these difficulties will only make you stronger.
- I never thought. Thank you.