Book: The age of maturity. Page 1

He was in an excellent mood, and he felt quite velvety from the inside. And outside there was the hovering melancholy of the passing day, she settled on him, slightly sour, and gradually penetrated into him with a reddish light and aromas full of regrets. That day, the tropical ocean receding and leaving him alone under a pale sky, was another stage, albeit a very small one, in his life.

Everyone is obliged to do what he wants, to think what he sees fit, to answer only to himself, to constantly question the opinions of others and themselves.

It was a real crowd, albeit not crowded, it moved slowly, inexorably, as fate, it seemed, the crowd flattened him.

"Then I'll be a miserable person." That's all.

You pretend to regret your skepticism, but you keep holding on to it. It is your moral comfort. When something threatens him, you stubbornly cling to him, as your brother clings to money.

- Later? If you rely on inner insight to make up your mind, you risk waiting your whole life. Do you think I was so convinced when I joined the Communist Party? Belief comes later.

Join the party, give meaning to life, make a choice, become a person, act, believe. This would be a lifesaver.

Brunet was right: his life became destiny. His age, his class, his era - he accepted all this, took responsibility for everything, he chose a lead stick of right-wing thugs that would hit him in the temple, a German grenade that would tear him to shreds. He actively turned on, he gave up his freedom, now he is only a soldier and nothing more. And everything was immediately returned to him, even his freedom. "He is freer than me: he lives in harmony with himself and in harmony with the party."

Do you imagine that you can live your whole life without this or that?

You can’t break up with your family, it’s like smallpox: you get sick with it as a child, and it marks you for life.

You see, in principle, the instincts of our old pirate grandfather spoke in both of us. Only I got rid of them in one fell swoop, and you pull them drop by drop, you can't get to the bottom. I think that by nature you are much less a pirate than I am, and this is what ruins you: your life is an eternal compromise between a tendency to rebellion and anarchy, very moderate, and your hidden inclinations that attract you to order, moral health, I would said, almost to routine. As a result, you remained an aged, irresponsible student. But, my friend, take a good look at yourself: you are thirty-four years old, your head is gradually turning gray - though not like mine - there is nothing of a youth in you anymore, the life of a bohemian is not suitable for you. Besides, what is bohemianism? It was great a hundred years ago, now it's a handful of harmless muddlers who missed the train. You have already entered the age of maturity, Mathieu, or, in any case, you should have entered it.

In order not to be like everyone else, you need to have the courage to act like everyone else.

Do the exact opposite of what you want. And feel that you become a completely different person.

If you do something tragic, then you take yourself seriously.