Character: Adam. Page 1

The bridge is similar to a Ghost ship from another time, even when filled completely relevant to the twenty-first century people, the morning runners.
And I'm single again.
But I'm still standing. Still breathing. And somehow I'm fine.

But I think in the corner we safe. While I don't make the mistake of throwing a controlling glance over the shoulder to make sure no one really looks at me. And in that split second is what I was hoping to avoid - I stumble upon someone's opinion. And I see that in the eyes of the illuminate glitter of recognition, as when you swipe your match. I almost feel in the air the smell of phosphorus. All of the following seem to be happening in slow motion. First I hear that it becomes unnatural quiet. And then hear a low rumbling, which spread the news. I hear his name, a whisper passed through the bustling train. I see passengers pushing each other elbows. Take out your cell phones, grab the bags, get together, shuffles the feet. All this happens in seconds, but it's always painful, as the moment when the first blow is already done, but have not yet reached the goal. The guy with the beard is prepared to come forward, opening her mouth to call my name. I know he doesn't want to hurt me, but as soon as he turn to me, the whole train staring at me. Thirty seconds before the gates of Hell open.

Music is the void. And you did that.

I knew since that night, when my call the second time it went to voice mail, which for me is the end.

There were signs. Probably a lot more than I was able to notice, even after the realization of the reality. But I missed all of them. Probably because I wasn't trying to see them. Constantly looking back at the terrible fire through which I had to go, I wasn't paying any attention to the bottomless pit, yawning in front.

Because I go through a lot of scenarios for these three years. Most of them pictured it as a Huge Mistake, a giant mistake. And in my fantasies MIA crawls on his knees, begging for my forgiveness. Apologized for the fact that the answer to my love was a cruel silence. For acting like two years - those two years of our lives meant nothing.

In terms of feelings you can never know exactly how the absence of one person has a greater impact on you than the absence of the other.

Maybe that's why I can't afford to enjoy what we have. Why in the middle of the night when I can't sleep, I go outside to listen to the lapping of the filter in the pool, and why obsessed with those little things in Bryn that are driving me crazy. Because I realize that in essence, it is nothing - the way she sleeps with Blakberi the pillow, how he trains for hours, as records absolutely everything that eats, she refuses to deviate from plan or schedule. And I know she has a lot of advantages, which counterbalance all the bad. She's generous as an oil tycoon, and loyal as a pit bull.

But even in the beginning when we were in the phase of "can't get enough of you", between the two of us stood like an invisible wall. At first I tried to move it, but even to break the crack was an enormous effort. And then I'm tired of trying. Then I found an excuse. These are adult relationships, such as the love after a few battle scars.

And the girl herself. She is wonderful. Any guy would kill to be with her, she would be if she got pregnant from him.

Still MIA hated cell phones, hated people speaking for him on sight, hated people who ignored the company of one person to answer another phone call. The old MIA would never have uttered the phrase "grossly unacceptable".

People gather around, and their eyes linger on me too long. That's just not enough to get me out. I now can not cope with this. I generally wouldn't do it. Don't want to. Don't want anything.
I want to quit. To cease to exist. Lately this desire seizes me very often. Not to die. Not to kill myself. No, it's all rubbish. Rather, I just can't stop thinking about what if I never was born, I now would not have these sixty-seven nights in front, I wouldn't be here after this conversation with her. "You're the one that cornered - I remind myself. - There was no need to climb."

My gaze returns to earth, and when it does, I see her eyes. Not like I've seen them before: at every turn, for their eyelids at the dawn of each day. Not the way I imagined them in the eyes of every girl, lying beneath me. This time it's really her eyes.

A walking contradiction? I'm surrounded by people and still feel lonely. I require a little bit of normality, but when you get it, I feel like I don't know what to do with it, I don't know how to be a normal person.