Character: Barney Stinson

- I just said that.

Your HSP is writing checks that your body can't pay for.

You and Marshall are made for each other. You both have what most people look for their whole life and never find. I know that you love him, and if you knew what he is going through now, you would not have spent more than a second here. I bought you a ticket home. Marshall is one of the best I know, and it won't take long for someone else to figure it out, and you've lost him forever.

Every Halloween, I take a spare costume with me in case I get a twist from the gate of the hottest thing at the party. This way, I will have a second chance to make a first impression.

I realized that I was looking for something that I really needed in life. And you know what? I have no idea what it is.

Sometimes we look for one thing, but we find another.

When a sad moment comes, I stop being sad and become awesome in return.

There are only three things I would have to contend with: an intractable bra fastening, a paternity lawsuit, and gagging when I see someone wearing brown shoes with a black suit.

I will leave this world just as I came - absolutely naked! It will be amazing. An open bar for guys, an open coffin for girls ...

There are so many things that a human mouth can do. Why waste it on talking?

Dating rules are the same as for Gremlins. Rule 1: Never let them get wet: in other words, don't let her shower in your apartment. Rule 2: Keep them out of sunlight: that is, never meet them during the day. Rule 3: Never feed them after midnight: it means that she does not stay overnight with you, and you do not have breakfast with her. Never!

You cannot come to a wedding with someone you are meeting with. This is the same as taking the carcass of a deer with you on the hunt.

Open your brain canister, bro, for 91 octane premium knowledge on the way. Here are three rules for cheating: it is not cheating if you are not married; it is not treason if there are two vowels in a row in her name; and it's not treason if she is from the state with a different dialing code. You are all right on all three counts.

I invest in women who are - how to put it more delicately - fat! I give them the attention they lack now, and when they get sexy who will they come to? The guy who gave them attention when they weren't sexy.