Book: More power every day

If we do not consciously strive for grace, then we see only darkness.

The next time you encounter a person or child who is having trouble achieving a goal, save your breath. Instead of offering their words of wisdom, ask them what they would say to another person in a similar predicament. By giving, they will receive.

People may be motivated by self-interest, but we also have a strong inclination to contribute to the greater good.

I am not advocating self-neglect or martyrdom. I also don't recommend living like a doormat. It's important to take care of yourself. In the event of an emergency ten kilometers above the ground, putting your oxygen mask on yourself first could be the difference between life and death. Protect yourself first, then help others. But in everyday life this metaphor usually does not work. Also, there doesn't have to be an either/or; it can be both/and. Being too self-focused can be an excuse to shut yourself out from the rest of the world. There's nothing wrong with doing nice things for yourself, but if taken to an extreme, it can become an excuse for self-absorption.

Self-care may be all the rage right now, but it's important to remember that caring for others is a source of vitality and resilience.

There is no barrier between our mental and physical states. Feeling hungry makes us irritable. Researchers analyzed parole hearings for inmates and found that judges were less likely to grant parole just before lunch—compared to the afternoon. In fact, the percentage of favorable decisions dropped from 65 percent immediately after breakfast to virtually zero before lunch, and then jumped again to 65 after the lunch break. An empty stomach affected even experienced judges. The decision to grant parole requires serious thought and consideration. When judges were tired, they were more likely to deny parole because denial required less effort. Alas, the old adage “justice is what the judge had for breakfast” rings true in the courtroom... and probably in the office, the bedroom, and in line at the grocery store.

It's been proven that our mood affects how we move, but the opposite is also true: how we move affects how we feel.

If you don't get enough sleep but don't feel tired, it suggests a manic episode. If you sleep too much but don't feel rested, this is a sign of depression.

Looking healthy is one strategy to appear competent.

Creativity can give your brain a break. Even in people who have not had such experience, creative activities reduce cortisol levels.

Research shows that most people cannot leave their mobile phone alone for six minutes without checking it.

A key aspect of any healthy and fulfilling relationship is frequent positive interactions. This means, for example, that it's not enough to just be in the same room if everyone in the family has their noses in their screens. In the context of friendship, neither liking a friend's social media post, nor retweeting her tweet, nor sending a group email with New Year's greetings to everyone in your contact list counts: this is communication with minimal effort, and it involves low emotional return.

Children who know a lot about their family history—where their grandmother went to school, where their great-uncle grew up, how and when their parents met, and so on—are found to be more confident and resilient in general than those who who is unfamiliar with such things. Researchers suggest that helping children develop a powerful “intergenerational self” reminds them that they belong to something larger than themselves. They are not the main characters in the family story, but part of a chapter that is still being written. This is the opposite of the concept of “everyone is around me” and in this sense has a valuable decentering effect.

When listening to your children, remain calm, express empathy, and encourage them to consider the situation from different perspectives. These are more effective methods of solving problems than dwelling on pain and dwelling on anger.