Book: And echo is flying through the mountains
I can hardly imagine them to confess. Namely, how afraid I am to be free despite my constant desire. Scared, what will happen to me next, what I'll do with them, when women will not. All my life I lived like a fish in aquarium safe glass walls, behind a barrier as impenetrable as it is transparent. I was free to look at the glittering world on the other side of the glass, imagine yourself in it if you want. But always remained locked away, surrounded by cruel unyielding boundaries of the existence that Baba has created for me first while I was young, created consciously, and now, when he from day to day was fading, or not. I think I've grown in the habit to this glass and now are terrified that when it breaks, when I'm alone, I will make open to the unknown and I'm helpless, confused flutter, gasping for air.
The truth is that I rarely admit: I always was in need of a burden - the woman on my back.
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MegaMozg 27-01-2020 / 09:15
I turn and look at Paris - she sleeps silently beside me. Her face is pale. I see the face of a woman - young, hopeful, happy as he was, and I know I always will see him, just have a look at the Bet. She's my flesh and blood. And soon I'll see her children and their children's children - they, too, have my blood. I'm not alone. Sudden happiness catches me off guard. I can feel it seeping into me, and his eyes melt in gratitude and hope.
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MegaMozg 27-01-2020 / 09:12
That's what throws, spoiling mom's kindness, her acts of salvation, courage and bravery. The shadow of debt. Requirements and obligations it has taken on saved. His good deeds she uses as currency: exchange them for their dedication and loyalty. Now I understand why Madeline left many years ago. The rope that had once pulled her out of the pool, can become a noose around his neck. People, including me, in the end, inevitably disappoint mom. They can not recover what is owed, as she wants. Mama's consolation prize is the grim satisfaction of self-righteousness, the will to impose sentences strategically with a good hearth, as is her people down.
It makes me sad, because I see that the need of the mother, her restlessness, fear of loneliness, the horror of being stranded, abandoned.
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MegaMozg 19-01-2020 / 15:54
You turned out good.
I'm proud of you, Marcos.
I'm fifty-five. I waited all my life for these words. Is it too late? Us with her? Maybe we have spent too long too much? But somewhere inside I think it's better to leave things as they are, to pretend that we don't know how not suited to each other. Not so much pain. Maybe even better than this belated gift. This fragile, shivering a glimpse of how it could be between us. From this is born only regret, I tell myself, and that it is good? Nothing it will bring. Lost irretrievably.
And yet, when mom says:
- Isn't it beautiful, Markos? - and I say to her:
- Yes, mother. Beautiful, something in me begins to swing open, and I take mother's hand.
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MegaMozg 19-01-2020 / 15:52
Nothing in the world I did not want so much as to be the one to quench his sadness.
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MegaMozg 19-01-2020 / 15:50
The withering of his own body always gradually, almost as imperceptible as it is insidious.
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MegaMozg 10-05-2019 / 21:12
Hang on a Billboard with your good works off it. To do such things should quietly, with dignity. Kindness is more than signing checks in public.
№ 369382 Added
MegaMozg 10-05-2019 / 21:11
I want to give up what I have, to slip out of themselves, lose all, like a snake discards old skin.
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MegaMozg 10-05-2019 / 21:08
In the immutability of mathematical truths there is consolation, in the absence of conditionality, ambiguity. In the knowledge that the answers may be elusive, but attainable. They are, they can in many the chalk strokes from you.
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MegaMozg 10-05-2019 / 21:06
Her beauty is a weapon. A loaded gun, and the barrel rests on the head herself.
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MegaMozg 10-05-2019 / 06:03
You can almost always understand, or will not, during the first two weeks. It's amazing how many people years or even decades remain in chains, in long mutual state of self-delusion and false hope, while they are given in the first two weeks.
№ 369309 Added
MegaMozg 10-05-2019 / 06:02
The creative process is unavoidably class thieves. Dig under any great literary work - and find every conceivable dishonor. Creativity - the deliberate desecration of other people's lives, turning them into unwilling and unwitting participants. You steal their desires, their dreams, pocket their flaws, their suffering. Take what doesn't belong to you. And do it consciously.
№ 369308 Added
MegaMozg 10-05-2019 / 02:21
To be brave, you need to have something to lose.
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MegaMozg 10-05-2019 / 02:20
The rope that once pulled out of the pool, can become a noose around his neck.
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MegaMozg 10-05-2019 / 02:19
Ordinary, the everyday cause of the massacre makes it more nightmarish, much depressed. Comes to mind the word meaningless, but Idris rejects it. People always say that. A senseless act of violence. A senseless murder. As if you could commit sensible murder.
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MegaMozg 05-08-2017 / 13:18
