Book: Zaregoto Series. Page 1
For example, I have a friend who is devoid of almost all basic human emotions. She's always terribly happy, always having fun no matter what she does, but only because she just doesn't know any more emotions. And as a result, she can hardly understand why other people are sad or angry.
There is only one way in which it is able to perceive the world. In principle, it is not able to distinguish the true paradise from the paradise of the lost.
- And I'm the same. No, I'm much worse. I am not able to understand someone else's pain, even in the smallest way. Why? Because I myself cannot adequately perceive my own feeling of "pain" and "suffering." Thoughts of death don't bother me at all. Not that I want to die, but my desire to resist death is abnormally weak. And all this leads to what I voiced. There are many "blocks" that prevent people from killing each other. One of the most vital is thoughts like, "Oooh, it's probably hurting" or "Buddy, I feel sorry for this guy." Isn't it? That's right. For example, I'm sure you've ever felt the urge to hurt someone before, right? But you probably didn't immediately knock the crap out of it and so on, right?
- Mm. I've never beaten anyone before.
- But I bet you wanted that, right?
She didn't respond. And that was the best confirmation that she was able to give. But it's not a crime. No one can live their lives without ever experiencing dislike for someone, even if they live in paradise.
- I think I'm actually talking about the ability to experience empathy.
You understand the feelings of the other person, you feel mercy for him and act mercifully. And, of course, that's not always a good thing. Jealousy and anger also grow out of empathy. Understanding other people's emotions. This is both a virtue and a disadvantage.
" But let's not get into philosophical arguments about losses and gains, - I continued. - The bottom line is that I do not have all these "blocks". I, in principle, do not enter into other people's emotions. As a result, I have to restrain myself. And it's incredibly excruciating. It's not even funny. But, by some miracle, I manage to restrain my own demons.
It's a bit audacious to keep living, hiding such a monster inside of you.
- I-kun...
- Now I can reach my limit at any time. And so I can't forgive the killer. How can I do this? The very existence of the killers is disgusting. Disgusting. I hate all the killers with all my heart. With all the strength of the soul. I think I'd like to crush them all.
- ...
"Just kidding, I don't think so at all," I said.
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MegaMozg 26-12-2020 / 00:54
- But, you know what, it doesn't really matter if you live long or not. I'm not particularly sure that there's much point in living two or three hundred years. I've lived nineteen years and two months to this day, but honestly, I've had enough.
- Are you tired of all this?
- No, I can't stand it anymore. So far, I guess I'm still fine, but if that continues... yes, another couple or three years and my ability to perceive reality will reach the limit.
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MegaMozg 26-12-2020 / 00:48
Unnecessary explanations.
Redundant confirmations.
Extra words.
Pointless questions.
Abstract chatter.
The best thing about Kunagis was that she didn't care about all this.
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MegaMozg 26-12-2020 / 00:45
And not just one of your usual insults - this is just an ultimatum insult that threatens to shake my very existence. Everyone has one thing for which it is not a pity to give their life, for which the whole world can be sold, and in my case it was this very thing. I wanted to shoot Mikoko-chan.
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MegaMozg 26-12-2020 / 00:42
- I ... - this time I really said from the bottom of my heart. - I don't want to be reborn. I just want to die as soon as possible.
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MegaMozg 26-12-2020 / 00:39
Part of me is just watching, sighing. With cold contempt, she watches me have fun and says, "What you're doing makes no sense."
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MegaMozg 26-12-2020 / 00:36
I don't want things that just disappear over time. If something ends sooner or later, then it was not even worth starting. I have no need for pleasure if it is paid for by pain.
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MegaMozg 26-12-2020 / 00:33
- But not necessarily that it is the fault prompted the IDF to suicide. It is possible that she died because you pressed on it. Due to the fact that she had done, you began to feel her disgust. She's made you his enemy, and therefore lost any hope.
- If it is only in this, it only Angers me that much stronger. So she killed one person, and it tormented her so much that she died? Yes, it should be disqualified among the murderers.
- Ahh, so that's what you mean by the sense of responsibility. Not for AOI, but Emoto... Clear. Heh... unusual point of view. But tell me, why the attachment to you means nothing to you? It is, of course, expressed it very perverse, but IDF you really liked.
- The words "I love you, so you'd better love me" are just kind of blackmail. Sorry, I'm not one who is blind in return. I'm sick of people killing for the sake of their passions.
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MegaMozg 27-08-2019 / 05:22
- Now, Sasaki and Kazuhito... yesterday they have arrested Tamiu Mayumi, but... they said she was on the verge of suicide. She was going to jump off the roof of his house, but they managed to save her just in time. Apparently she's completely lost their mind - they couldn't even understand the words she utters. And they are not sure it will ever recover".
- Do
- She did not say anything?
- No, - I answered, without hesitation. - "Did I not tell you? I'm not interested in people who kill for the sake of their own passions."
- I'm pretty sure you said you were sick of them.
- You must have misheard.
Second, she silently stared at me. "Hahh" - she sighed. "Well, anyway... that's why you sentenced these girls who only killed one person, but look through your fingers on the repeated, random and ruthless killing Shirosaki? Give and take, huh? Gee... you're really cruel, huh?
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MegaMozg 27-08-2019 / 05:22
"If you believe the statistics? You have lived on earth for almost twenty years, and statistics is the best response you can come up with?" - She curved an eyebrow with obvious sarcasm and snorted at me. "Don't tell me you believe in something so stupid. Something that happens only once in a hundred thousand attempts, and takes place at the very first attempt. The first person who caught you on the road - the same one in a million. The lower the probability, the more often you're faced with this. Yeah, "statistics". That kind of nonsense. There is nothing more mundane than a miracle."
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MegaMozg 27-08-2019 / 05:19
The world is doing what you want, and if not, then to me it's absolutely not irrelevant, but if I had, I'm not interested. I never wanted to become someone, and I never thought I have to do something. Sometimes I wonder whether it is normal, but in General even that I don't care.
Somewhere along the way, I just got cold. No, not so. I must have dried up. I'm apathetic and indifferent to everything. And that's why Kunagisa for me as moisture.
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MegaMozg 27-08-2019 / 05:14
You were bullied? No, I think this is different. I think you haven't been paying attention. There is a difference between mockery and inattention. Mock the weaklings and liars. On the rogue not paying attention. But I understand how you felt. When I was in high school, it seemed that I was surrounded by aliens. On a test no one wanted to get a high score, trying to get an average. If the fled cross, they said, "and let us run together." It was a team film, good or bad. They would say that PI equals three. In fact, every Seven Fools have experienced similar feelings. It is a tragedy fourteen hundredths. In the world of the equalists to outsiders have fully enjoyed what it means to a true isolation. Geniuses are born with it. But not all outcasts are geniuses.
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MegaMozg 27-08-2019 / 05:11
In the end, you don't like to make decisions, right? You don't like the selection process. Yesterday the Hyman‑San said the same thing about you, and I think she nailed it. You just go with the flow. You hate to compete, you hate to clarify. You need to leave ambiguities.
- I will not argue with that.
- You will not argue, but disagree. You took my challenge in Shogi because you knew that you lose, right? You would not accept challenge if it were otherwise.
- You hate other people?
- Yes not that.
But if they like you?
- There's no need.
Exactly. The basis of your values lies in the idea that people should live in solitude. What do you think, huh? Or not you want to. This is the Foundation around which you focused. You're trying hard not to interfere and not to cause others trouble and pain. Of course you can share happiness and joy with others, but you don't come to the point when you can bring the pain and sorrow, all right?
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MegaMozg 27-08-2019 / 05:08
- Confirmation bias, - I blurted out, suddenly remembering of the training programs, which is unacceptable to show their own stupidity elders. In other words, this means that you only accept those testimonies and evidences that are convenient to your opinion, and reject uncomfortable statement, as if it were just a coincidence. They say that in the scientific community that studies the supernatural, so my opinion has shifted to Maki‑San so often do. "Dry love." They are literally obsessed with any evidence of the existence of the supernatural, and at the same time ignore any evidence to the contrary. It seems to me, so they get the results which you want.
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MegaMozg 27-08-2019 / 05:06
In fact, people live in two ways. Or they live with the consciousness of his own unworthiness, or they live with a sense of worthlessness around the world. Two ways. Or do you let self-importance dissolve in the world, or do you reject the importance of peace and live on his own.
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MegaMozg 27-08-2019 / 05:04
