Character: Angelica Mashkovskaya. Page 4

- Your colleagues from the homicide department gave me so much... - I took a breath, choosing the right word, but could not find it. - In general, in simple terms: I hate the police and everything related to them. You can see how the high stress score is simply explained. Although in fairness it is worth noting that a couple of detectives does not cause me rejection ... weird, huh? It's like a beloved wife complete with a hated aunt.

It is easier and more pleasant to hate a person without knowing or understanding the motives of his actions, but it is worth trying to understand his fate, as you will notice the similarity with yourself. With some it is very strong, with others barely perceptible, but something similar will certainly be found in another subject.

Probably, when we are struck by sadness or grief, we all become younger, no matter what age is not listed in the passport.

- What we humans lack is patience. I realized this only after exchanged the seventh decade. This is very accurately conveyed by the parable of the butterfly. We, when we notice a pupa, can't wait to see a butterfly, only a few wait for the natural sequence, but basically, having caught how hard an insect breaks into the light, they hurry to help him by breaking the cocoon. But due to the fact that the butterfly was deprived of this necessary struggle, its wings remain weak and cannot raise the body of God's creature, because of which it can only crawl, and then, without feeling the taste of flight, dies. If it's hard for you, Miss, know that your own wings are gaining the necessary strength so that you can complete some kind of metamorphosis. Just do not forget that the doll can not see itself from the outside, it needs someone who will tell it how it looks. That is why we need friends and, of course, loved ones - their eyes are a true mirror, in it you can see yourself without the tinsel that we ourselves hang around. But don't look at any people, only at those you trust. And the rest are those who, out of envy or meanness, or maybe just out of bad temper or even boredom, will try to break your cocoon of personality.
- But how do you determine who's who?
- As soon as you feel when interacting with someone, as something presses on your head, or even squeezes from all sides - this is violence. Just like if someone takes a pupa of a real butterfly and squeezes in their fingers.
- But there are situations when a person puts himself in a frame and it is simply vital to forcibly extract him from there.
- That's correct. But in order not to become a prisoner of oneself, you need to know one effective medicine.
- Which one?
- Honesty with yourself. Then you will never miss the moment when you squeeze yourself in the grip. If you keep in touch with the inner self, you will "hear" how the walls of the cocoon of personality crack. People are peculiar creatures, they can easily destroy themselves from the inside, looking for those to blame in a particular situation, instead of reconciling themselves first of all. I see it as running behind the shadows.
- Just not to stop, so as not to look back and see what he has done. It's always easier to slam a door to a cluttered room than to clean it up.
- Exactly...

- I will now ask you a few questions, think about them properly, so that later, when the time comes, you can adequately answer at least to yourself: how does a person decide when to use violence? And what makes us good at all? If you recall my example and discard the conventions, that version of you as a police officer killed the subject, but despite this, you did not call her a bad person. So what really makes us good and bad? What if there are no such divisions at all?

- I'm sure it was not like that at all! the neurosurgeon shook his head in disagreement. - In fact, the woman drove the man away so that he would not get underfoot and did not interfere with putting things in order, and then, when she missed her, she went after him. She found him, but they could not find the way back, and then they took and came up with a story about a snake, an apple and an angry God, because it sounds more impressive than a story about a forgotten path in a fruit plantation.

- Uncertainty ... you know, you're right.

- Now it is clear why people are drawn home so much, because we commit murders there almost every day ... of our time, desires, aspirations ... we kill our lives ...

It doesn't matter what happened, if you breathe, then you have experienced it.

If you look at your past very often, it will inevitably partially be colored under the mood in which you considered those episodes. So at some point you will notice that your own past has been transformed, just like an old house after renovation: it is similar, but not the one in which you lived.

At dawn, even if fate presents crushing blows and you hate yourself, everything does not cause disgust. The rising sun envelops the surrounding with some special light, even if it is cloudy; and the streets at this time are almost empty. At such a moment, the city seems to take a breath, mobilizes all its forces for a new breakthrough. And you're with him. Very early in the morning, life does not seem unbearable.

- I think it would be good to learn to live one day.
- Live one day? - Russian repeated after me. - Do you know who lives one day? Drug addicts and alcoholics, it is important for them that today they have something to expand and what to drink, the rest they do not care at all. For them, there is no tomorrow. They are the ghosts of today. They wake up only to start their carousel for one day. So as far as I'm concerned, I don't want to live one day and not have a future. But I want to feel that this day is my last - from this all feelings become sharper. You get better and don't do something just by thinking that you'll have time to fix it or apologize. You take everything you can right now, and not think that later you can survive it or gain it. You become greedy for life. Even ordinary anticipation is filled not with irritation, but with priceless moments with oneself.
The monologue touched the special strings of my soul, plunging into some indescribable feeling.
"How accurate and beautiful, right," I exhaled, mentally signing every word I heard. - Who said that?
- I just did. You didn't recognize my voice?
Turning to the girl, I looked into her beautiful eyes. They are rare - brown with green sparkles.
- Is something wrong? - Notes of confusion slipped through Mashkovskaya's voice.
- It feels like you don't understand what effect you're producing.
- What are you talking about? She tucked her still slightly wet curls behind her ears. I guess I thought I was talking about looks. With this movement, she clearly proved that she really does not realize what effect she produces with her words.
- Incredible! - Unwittingly escaped from me. - You have an unthinkable talent, no - weapons! And you don't know that. Although, perhaps, due to the fact that you do not give an account in this magic, you manage to fight on the spot.

Life erases illusions. It shows the essence of this world, proves that a person is driven by instincts: to live, love and achieve his own by any means, I emphasize - by any means.

- Before drinking another glass of champagne with you, I would like to remind you so that you never forget that, despite all the difficulties and tragedies of life, the basic values remain with you. Love, friendship, understanding, earthly delights. Angelica, - the girl looked at me, her eyes, due to the already drunk alcohol, shone, - later, because now it is not possible, you will need other people who will help you take your place under the sun and achieve that you plan. As a rule, such personalities appear suddenly and come from those lands that you don't think about or even don't know about. Don't push them away. Try to treat everyone kindly, but if you see that your similar attitude does not lead to anything, just leave such people. Or at least take a step back. Arguing with those who hear and see only themselves is a waste of time and nerves. But appreciate those who remain by your side. Hold on to them. It is they who will help you move forward, keeping happy moments in your memory and helping to create new ones, and in this place you will, as it were, gain immunity and be able to resist sorrows without that black anger that poisons and corrodes the soul like acid. All of you, - I looked around our group and held out my glass, - remember this.