TV show: Stand Up. Page 5

Any women's business starts with the fact that: "Valera, buy sneakers there. Valera, take them out there. Valera, pay this bill!" Yes, one woman will then get WildBerries. Everyone else just Valera, who will lie at home and think: Tomorrow you will have to go there, then take it there. In the evening, if there is time, then I will hang myself."

Really an unbelievable time saver.

I now live in the two cities. Moscow and Peter. It is very difficult to combine, because two completely different cities. It even smells different. In Moscow, the smell dvizhuha, money, expensive perfume. Peter somehow measured, and in Moscow in Moscow at a furious pace. <...> So I think that drawbridges can only be in St. Petersburg. If the drawbridges were in Moscow, there would be every day people fell in trying to jump to the other side.

I have next to the house there is a very poor product and I do not go there, because there is always some fight, some sort of a fight. You can easily grab for what you bought baguette. Like: "what are you, a faggot?" And saleswoman. I once walked in and behind the counter stood a man and just yelled at the cashier: "Why are you rude to me?!" I said, "So, what's happening?" Just kidding, I did that because I'm holding a baguette, I don't need.

Imagine the call from school: "your son so badly? You that the house is not doing what?!" Same question to you. You - school, no? You are not doing? You - school, I - house.

I have nothing against Caucasians, I am half Armenian. I love how Caucasians are fighting. They do not, as a Russian. When you're arguing with the Russian, he says he'll do to you. When you're arguing with your Caucasian, he said that he, you and I made. You or someone from your family. If a Caucasian says something about your mother, he said that he already had relations with your mother. All he puts you before the fact. There is nothing you can do, you can't tell mom. "Hello, mother, where are you?" "I'm in a cab!" "As the driver name?" "Arsen". "Jump out!"

Now the girls probably know that in Russia we have officially any woman with 27 years old is considered "staracademy". I think kapets term! It sounds like an insult. ... I think you're wrong. All women are different. There should be no specific age to define "late" or not. It is necessary to do so in Russia: so we can officially "staracademy" was considered a woman since, as soon as you shampoo with nettle or as soon as you congratulated someone with a birthday poem, all, goodbye. But finally we have in the state understood that this term is offensive and insulting. Now do not use. The term "starorodyaschaya" removed and we have changed it to another term, in their opinion, less offensive and insulting, "age a woman in labor". Thank you! Sounds like a bad insect.

She is the former more fun than the former. The former always bitch and bitch. It is bad. It always something waiting. The former is always - "that bitch will regret it", "this bitch understands"... There definitely drunk friend-philosopher, who says: "life is only a mother! Only she will love you strong and weak." Women like this garbage does not suffer. There are no women, abandoned by the man she is sitting with wine and this: "worthy of Love only the father".

In our society civil marriage is some frivolous bullshit. It's a shame really, because this is very serious. Just a formal marriage is not serious. There all allowed. Without any restrictions. No matter documents, no exams. In teacher's College - all go, who has legs and a passport. One document - passport. As "fast money." Well, obviously a Scam of some kind! No one my marital history is not checked, nothing - come on, take.

For us men, the choice of gift is always strained, because it is not clear what to give this time. It is always very hard. This whole running around the Mall. Where do we start? In lingerie. Why? See! Because it's some kind of porn in a shopping Mall. The type of agent provocateur, where everything is frankly unbelievable. Are these plastic whores in candid poses. I first saw it, I live five hundred rubles in the pants thrust and left because he was a good plastic bitch! This is too openly and directly for sex. Just for this all this linen. It is unlikely povsednevku. It is unlikely that the woman came home from work, wearing stockings, belt, corset and villages Dude to watch.

Removed a family from India apartment in Moscow. The only negative of my rented apartment - it overlooks the cemetery. When we arrived, there was the realtor and she's like, "Here near the cemetery, but it is normal." We are "Normal?" What does that even mean for the realtor? Only the Slavs? It is in the style: "near Here a maniac, but it was adequate, all in packets, not that these lovers fucking". <...> I recently had the taxi driver a ride home and he was like, "are You afraid to live here?" I said, "no, I live in an apartment, are you crazy?" He's like, "no, I mean cemetery!" And I said, "no, it's normal, we were told all is well."

I love Russian language, I show care for our lexicon. He quickly inexorably poorer. We're more cunning with you. When we can't get the action to explain the words we use, I call it, "verbal emoticons". You don't have enough words to explain the action and you're like, "tyry-download option". If a long-term effect: "tyry-download option-raspery". We mock the language! We in social networks in General language reduced! "Bro", "lock", "KEK", "XS". Here is where it? Okay, we wrote, now we are talking. This is now: "FRI, bro!" Want to shake down, maybe of you still letter sleep.

I believe that a cemetery is a place only for these fucking candy "Rachki". It's rubbish, but not sweet. The candy that we throw through the children through Christmas gifts. The child is sitting, "EW, I racila..." the Mother came, took him, and put it in any convenient funeral roams the cemetery. Overall, this crustacean lives the life of a man: from a child to a cemetery. These candy "Flight", "Mint".. I would do the shops sold pounds for the funeral. Free. There is no such thing as a bum walking through a cemetery and saw a "Ferrero Rocher", "Raffaello", "Meller"... "Well I have time!"

Isn't it weird that we have a grandmother lays for the funeral itself? It is rather a question to us why she does it. "Behold I die, the money in the cupboard, take, bury". You money in the cupboard take, and there are fucking seven billion! She doesn't even know how many bags. Yet seen this news: "Gypsy deceit lured the old lady a million and a half". Overall, her funeral can be a Hook. Hook and immediately the priest with obscure songs. Like, she wanted. We have a grandmother in the life preparing for death. People only do the grandmother and the pharaohs.